Not Normal

There were 1200 hits on this blog yesterday.

Sure, many of them are refreshes and returning visitors, but still.

Kind of a lot of people.

It got me thinking.

What is the most important thing I could say to you? What would be worth reading, worth your time?

I was born a little bit different -- when I was just a little kid my older sisters would say, "Come here, Normal" to which I'd scream, "I'm NOT NORMAL!!" I've always had authority problems and rebellious problems and rebel rouser problems. I got kicked out of church camp EVERY YEAR but my parents still made me go back. I was my parent's worst nightmare throughout my teen years, aside from my intensity about academics. I've never really been a good girl.

After high school I attempted to quit going to the LDS church. I had LDS friends and attended church but I had many problems bending my will to that of an organized religion. I believed that the LDS lifestyle was a good way to live but I wasn't trying very hard and I didn't really feel like I fit in: I had weird hair, I supported liberal politics, I hated Utah, I didn't go to BYU, I didn't think women should serve missions, I had no verbal filter, I was a feminist, I wore bikinis, I was fun.

A bit weird, not that cute, hanging out in my favorite section of Barnes & Noble. You're not a real blogger if you can't post gross pics of yourself.

Despite not fitting in I found myself an LDS husband who tolerated and celebrated my unMormony brand of Mormonism. We had a lot of good years together in which he would help me dye my weird hair, discuss the merits of attending non-Sunday church activities, and seek out less "normal" Mormons to befriend.

While I was definitely on the fringe of LDS culture, I didn't realize that I may have also been on the fringe of LDS practice. Sure, I went to church and attended the temple, did my callings and lived the LDS lifestyle. Nevertheless I felt stagnant in my belief.

And then came crisis.

During the crumbling of my marriage I found myself alone on Sundays while my ex was either traveling or doing theater. I found myself alone at night. I found myself alone in general.

On those Sundays I had a couple of kids who were not going to go to church that day unless I took them. And so I took them.

On those nights alone at 2 am there was no one to call and nothing to do but worry. The church says to seek for solace in the scriptures. And so I read them.

This was my hour of need and I had faith that the simple Sunday School answers would work: read the scriptures, say your prayers.

And it did work.

I was strengthened. We got through the worst of it. The rain came down and the floods came up and this house on the Rock stood firm.

I've been through the greatest trial of my life and it was a crucible for me. It taught me faith, humility and reliance on Christ.

I've always been a believer, but now my strong will is more flexible. I've been humbled.

I'm still a liberal voting, rebellious, kinda weird feminist woman with little filter, but I have been through hell and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that the Gospel taught in the LDS church is an absolute necessity.

I invite you to look into it. It's totally in this season.

And if it feels foreign or you think you're not going to fit in or it's not for you, come sit by me.

If I can do this so can you.

Go on, check it out.