2/12/17

But Wait, There's More!

Please help me solve my life.  This post in no way constitutes an announcement or a plan.  In fact it is the opposite of a plan.  It's me asking you for a plan.  Plot with me.

A year ago and one month ago I gave birth to this little monster:
Against my wishes and express instructions he turned one last month.
He's nearly walking.  He's just about a toddler.

And so the hunger returns.

I promised myself that I would pretend that Philo is my last baby but then revisit the possibility that he isn't a year after his birth.  It's been a year and a month.  He's not my last baby.
They say that when you're done having children you know it.  There should be some sixth sense that tells you six will be too many but that sense just isn't hitting me.  I'm not done.  There're more people to add to this party some day.



But, if you've been paying attention, we are missing one vital (literally) part of the next baby equation: A DAD.



Oh, and I'm starting 3 years of law school in the fall.  AND I'm 36.
So I need you to solve my life. I gotta figure out a fail-safe way to get my last baby into my arms.  (She's a girl, I'm apparently a mystic).  How am I supposed to drum up a baby with all these things trying to stop me?
Do the math on any of the options.  Nothing really makes sense.  Hasn't stopped me before!  Sure I keep f-ing up my life but we have so much fun despite all of my failings!

Clearly NOT crazy.
I KNOW it sounds crazy but, honestly, you knew that already and I won't contradict you.  Crazy like a foxy unicorn who is addicted to babies and swore all her life she'd have at least six kids.
Not a newborn.



Dear God,
What is wrong with me?  Why won't the baby fever pass? I have five kids and no husband and a job and a law career ahead of me and I'm getting too old for this crap and two freaking baby daddies already and my life is next to impossible.  Shouldn't these things cure me?
 Love,
Your friendly neighborhood Brood Mare.



I have found a secret weapon for managing my life, though.  Her name is Robyn.  After doing the last 18 months pretty much by myself as Hush moved in and out after filing for divorce when I was three months pregnant with Philo I finally got a live in nanny.  She is my pride and joy.  I have no idea how we managed without her.  I had to stack kids up in rooms (3 in one, 2 in the other) so that we would have room for her but we don't mind at all because she is worth it.  It's like having a wife.  I've always wanted a wife!  I can leave arms free, I can grocery shop without lugging all five kids under 10, we split cleaning the kitchen and putting kids to bed.  We are a team and I am so blessed to have found this vegan artistic political cat loving person.

Even Mimi is plotting our next baby.  She has lots of suggestions.  One involved inviting my single male friends to become Dads, another was the way my sister and her wife got their new precious baby that I cannot wait to meet.
BTW: this is my new favorite picture of Mimi.  Eye mask, tie-dye leggings she's been wearing for at least two days, Rolling Stones sweatshirt, GPS watch, rollerskates inside making Valentines and singing.


We just have so much love to give.  Anybody got any extra babies?  We'll raise 'em rad for you!

  

2/2/17

Mermaids and Wizards

The majority of my squad (Amanda, Colin, Niya, Brett, Robb, Masato, Mimi, Blake, etc.) have birthdays around the end of January so Niya and I planned a party.  She had a dream that everybody came dressed as wizards and mermaids so that was obviously the theme.  I was super stoked that so many of my LA misfit friends flew out to celebrate.  Most of them hadn't ever been to my house before or met my minions -- for a while I had an LA life and a home life and neither the twain did mix.  But Salt Lake City somehow has become where it's at.  I'm so grateful so many of us are here now.  Jump in.  The water is nice, the living is easy, and the weirdos are rising.


It's a costume party and I'll wear whatever I want.  Queens of the Mermaids.

The highlight I think was the Glitter Bar.  I gathered all different types of glitter and sparkles and everything that makes me happy and put it out with spirit gum, eyelash glue and Vaseline (vaseline is the best to make glitter stick and washes off easily).  Everyone who showed up got bedazzled. 


All the glitter was on the credenza and it was the first stop.  My favorite was glittering up the men because they would resist but actually love it.  It's not fair that mostly women get to sparkle.







Niya and I had our kids here but mine were in the care of our new ace in the hole: our au pair!  We have a live in nanny now and it's changing my life.  Totally recommend greataupair.com



Ty's glitter beard was a win.  He should always wear that.
Double fisting.  Learn to walk philo!  You're nearly 13 months!


This child. She's like a little doll I can dress up.

And there obviously needed to be a tiny mermaid.


Surly but cute!  Actually her personality has been beyond charming.  I love 2-3 yr olds.



Merfolk.

I want to live surrounded by Glittery Feminist Men.
Finally, I fit in.  Love all of my squads, love that they all came, love that it was such a weird mix of people, love that everything sparkled.  It was a rad birthday.  I wish I'd been better about taking pictures of the rest of the group but these were what was on my phone and the rest of them are on fb.  Rebekah, Christine!  Send pics!




1/27/17

Dress like Nor Day



Hey guys, remember the good old days when you were rad and dressed up for my birthday?  Some of you blog followers remember.  Welp, it's my birthday again tomorrow.  Those stupid birthdays just keep coming.  So here's my request: for my birthday please wear something you think I'd wear and send it to me.  Take a day off from normal, or at least just put something unconventional on and take a picture and send it to me.  Send via email or text (if you know me for realsies) or comment on fb or post on your instagram.  Whatever, just get it to me.  I am straight up asking for love in the form of a picture gift.  Indulge me.

Here are some wacky pictures for inspiration.  And HERE is a blog I wrote about how I put things together.  

Goth accents, as much as possible:

Accessorize with babies:

If you find it in a deep dark closet, put it on:


Unabashedly match your teaching material just like Ms. Frizzle:


Leather jackets for everyone or bust:


Cheetah, punk bands, gold studded anything (again accessorizing with baby):


Those colors don't match?  Sure they do:


Pink, duh:


Rainbow and tie dye:


Always boots, combat and Docs are best:



Gotta go skiing?  Find a black onesie from the 1980's at the thrift store for $8, wear with cat hat:

Omg this is my new favorite jacket that I bought in Amsterdam but it's too cold to wear it:


So this is Jake and Judy.  Mimi invented an alter ego boy and Jude followed suit.  She calls everybody bro. Gender binaries are stupid and should be challenged when you damn well feel like it, like these silly kids did this day:



And sequins as far as the day is long, any day of the week:


So there you go.  That's how you do it.  Dress like Nor Day begins!!