Not Raising Dummies

We’re in the car a lot, like most families are.  We have the ubiquitous DVD player, but I often feel guilty that the kids are exposed to that type of media so frequently and that it has no educational value for the most part (the exception being the Leap Frog Videos that have taught my kids their letter sounds and numbers, go buy those.)

What DOES makes kids smart is listening to stories being read to them.  Books on tape.  Reading to kids accesses:

1. More logical thinking skills. Another illustration of the importance of reading to children is their ability to grasp abstract concepts, apply logic in various scenarios, recognize cause and effect, and utilize good judgment. As your toddler or preschooler begins to relate the scenarios in books to what’s happening in his own world, he’ll become more excited about the stories you share.
2. Enhanced concentration and discipline. Toddlers may initially squirm and become distracted during story time, but eventually they’ll learn to stay put for the duration of the book. Along with reading comprehension comes a stronger self-discipline, longer attention span, and better memory retention, all of which will serve your child well when she enters school.

Well if you’re like me the time you have scheduled to read to your kids is right before bed when everybody is tired and I am grumpy.  I am also so tired of all the books we have. 

I’ve found a few solutions that work for me and my kids and your kids if they’re in my car.  The Mormon Channel App is free and has every Friend magazine read aloud with new ones available every month.  But that app is kinda finicky and hard to be sure the kids are going to engage.  If I’m going to put on a story for them I want to make sure it’s going to catch their attention quickly.

I’ve switched to searching on YouTube which has an endless supply of children’s books read aloud and songs.  The books are usually 5-8 mins long.  My kids LOVE Bill Harley.   He may be old news to some moms but we just discovered him this year and his stories are so beloved by my minions that Mimi is being a Skunk for Halloween, with pride.

 

After the stories I ask them basic comprehension questions about the beginning middle and end, why the author wrote the story, what advice they’d give the characters, and other very specific questions that demonstrate their retention and synthesis. 

Nearly every teacher is taught Bloom’s Taxonomy before they’re put in the classroom.  It basically means that people learn and understand in levels/stages starting at the bottom of the pyramid.  If you’re a parent intent on developing critical thinking skills in your kid you should know and apply this:

Here’s how you apply the Taxonomy.  Ask questions about the stories the kids like by using the words on the right:

 

So next time you’re in the car click through some of these and feel proud of yourself for enhancing your child’s logical thinking skills and concentration!   

Here are our family favorites.  Click, plug in and listen!

Bill Harley “You’re Not the Boss of Me”

This is a good one for Fairy Tales Classics:

I usually search for classic nursery rhymes and tales because this is the literature of childhood.  Your kid needs to know nursery rhymes and fairy tales (beyond Disney, beyond the cheap Barbie movies we all own from Target) because they are a major literary source and reference useful for the rest of their lives.  Part of our cultural parlance is heavily based on stories your kids should be learning that you and I often take for granted.  Newspapers refer to “Humpty Dumpty Economics” and “Crying Wolf” and even old Eliot Spitzer was linked with the Emporer’s New Clothing.  Stock markets claim the “Sky is Falling.”  

Peter Rabbit.  All of those Beatrix Potter books are SO LONG.

My other favorite choices are those books that have too much damn writing for me to sit for 25 minutes reading one stinking book.  Oh, don’t tell me I’m the only one who avoids the Berenstein freaking Bears some nights. 

And, of course, you can always find primary songs. 

Oh, and if you’re reading more advanced things, I’ve found the Wizard of Oz read aloud on there and Harry Potter.  I think this girl is pretty good!

“Read” to those kids.  It makes them smarter.  From one lazy tired mother to another.  XXOXOX

Thinkin' About It, What Say You?

Everything in the Whole Wide World

We woke up with no plans on a Saturday.  Just me and my minions with a world of possibilities.  I asked Jude what he wanted to do today and he said “Buy nunchucks.”  I asked Silas and he said “Choo choo.”  I asked Mimi and she said “Hello Kitty.”

And mama said, “Yes, yes, and yes.”

Stop one: BART.

Although they’ve been on trains before this time they were just the right age to get some of the concepts down like what trains go where, how the map works, and the under the bay tunnel. Jude and Silas were particularly concerned about that. “No wawa.”

  

Yellow line paranoia.  Or the yellow line that give me heart palpitations.

The most exciting part of the BART train was the ticket situation.  I think Jude and Silas are free so I taught Mimi how to use the ticket, hold Jude’s hand and bolt through before the gate closed on them.  It was hilarious.

I adore this picture.  My three looking over the horizon in wonder.

We took BART right into the Powell Station which dumps you out into the fabulous food court at the bottom of the Westfield Mall.  And right around the corner is Mimi’s dream store.

Mimi, being overwhelmed by the merchandise.

Then we went outside and took a walk.  I am very carefully training my kids how to walk in urban areas.  I am militant.  I have a very rational fear of them bolting into traffic. 

Met some monkeys on the way.

We walked down Market a block then up Stockton then down Campton to Grant and there was the Dragon Gate.  To my kids this was like the entrance way to Disneyland. 

 

All the people who are happy to be a family, every single day of the year, no exceptions.

In we went to merchandising central.  Thankfully it was all cheap.  The lady was really sweet (an excellent saleswoman) and showed us not only what the kids wanted but a better version than they had imagined.  Mimi wanted a purse but left with a dress and shoes.  Jude wanted nunchucks and Si a sword, they left with a kit of 6 ninja weapons each. 

We trekked down a few blocks and found a walk-in-order-at-the-counter restaurant (my favorite kind with kids).  The food was good, there was plenty of seating and a decent bathroom.  All goals accomplished.

It’s interesting walking around with children because they notice and engage with the things I take for granted.  If there’s a street performer they want to stand right in front of them and listen.  There was a fairly impressive quartet playing odd Chinese instruments and I had to pull my kids away from them to get where we were going. 

Next up – our favorite SF park.  Located at Grant and Clay, this park is filled with old Chinese people playing their tile games and hanging out.  It’s a cultural experience and I almost never hear English spoken when we’re there.  The park is clean and feels safe.  Everybody smiles at us and says hello. 

Today was special because it was the Chinese Autumn Moon Festival so there was a free show with pretty dancers in elaborate costumes.

My ninja boys staged a battle on the green.  See the Chinese Gaming ladies behind them?

Afterwards I had another mini-adventure planned for the kids: hailing a taxi.  I taught them where to stand and what to look for and how to wave one down.  Mimi caught the first one she saw and was beside herself with joy.  They thought they were in pig heaven all piling in the back of the taxi for the short ride back to BART.

The train was empty so they had a ball using their new weapons and freaking me out by trying to lay down on the yucky seats or sneakily stealing a lick of the window (Si. Gross.)

Then home for late naps.  Yippee! 

Afterward dinner and housecleaning, in which they earned some ice cream.  Off to get gelato and play by the fountain near H&M.  Guess who fell in.

Evening meditation on the way home to prove to me that they were not too rowdy and deserved ice cream.

Then home for bed.

Goodnight, Spidey.  (The mask came off before he slept, don’t worry.  But he is snuggling his swords.)

I am so thankful for days like these.  Adventures are what Cr@vens do best and my kids are getting more portable.  I don’t have to lug too much stuff around and they can walk a reasonable distance.  While it is difficult taking them somewhere other than the park down the street it is worth it for the memories and familiarity and exposure to lifestyles other than their own.  There was only one really hard part: when the first star came out and the kids wanted to make a wish.  Mimi wished that her dada would come live with us and go on our adventures.  As good as our day was she still felt like there was someone missing and that breaks my heart.  But Jude wished for “Everything in the whole wide world.”  While I cannot make other people to fulfill Mimi’s heart’s desire, I certainly am working on Jude’s: doing my best to give my children everything in the whole wide world.

It Looms

There comes a time in every English Major’s  life when she seriously considers the self-flagellation that is Law School.  And pre-that, the LSAT.  The Admission’s test for Law School.

I do not know if I want to pursue this course of education  -- I’ve always had on my goals list a Doctorate Degree though not necessarily a Juris Doctorate Degree.  But it tempts me.  It sits there like a dragon to be tackled.  A seductive challenge.  A Law degree makes me lick my chops because I tend to get myself into jams and hubbub so I’d like to have the tools to take my fate into my own hands.  Lawyers help people solve problems.  I think I could dig that.

Law has always been on my radar.  I’d like to say it’s because of my Dad (he’s a Super Lawyer, which is a real thing but sans cape) but I suspect it may have had it’s genesis in the Town Meeting in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.  Exhibit B. Me without my bike!

It’s not just my dad.  Dx is a Family Law and Small Business Attny, my little brother is finishing his JD this year.  I know what I’m potentially getting myself into.  I don’t know when is the right time for more school, but now’s a good time for me to start what looks to be a grueling process. 

I may, already, be in over my head.

The LSAT is in October and I’m taking it to open (or close, depending on my score) the option of Law School.  I’m taking a class, but the LSAT material is I think designed to be a great equalizer of intelligence.  It is damn near impossible.  Here, I show you:

Go ahead, give it a try.  And PS, you have exactly one minute and thirty seconds per question.

Think you so smart?  Take the LSAT and get cut right back down to size.

This concerns me, greatly.  How, exactly, am I supposed to maintain my inflated intelligence ego if I tank on this? 

It’s a disaster.  I’m not woman enough for this.  I don’t need this in my life.  I’m sufficiently educated.  I have two jobs (three if you include full-time parenting). 

But I can’t stop going back to my books because I’m invigorated by the challenge.  I can’t wait to sink my teeth in and give it a whirl.  It’s like education gambling.  Some people run marathons and set goals for their body, I’m setting this goal for my mind.  It’s definitely a marathon of a test clocking in at around 2 1/2 hours.

Who knows if it will result in law school?  One race to run at a time.

Jude the Tropical Paradise

Jude’s four.

 

Four to me means feelings.  Something about being four means that you have to feel things passionately.  Would that I could be as firm in my convictions and opinions as a four year old.

It’s highly entertaining to me to watching him change on a dime emotionally from rage to delight.  I don’t provoke him, for sure.  That would be foolish.  But Jude is a bit impatient with his dramatic feelings at this time in his life.

 

Example:  “Jude, we need to go get some things at the store.”

“Nooooo!   I am playing toys!!  I don’t want to go!!  I hate the store!”  Thrashes about, frowns and twists his body in rage.

“Jude, it’s Target.”

“Oh, I yike Target!!”  Jumps for joy and starts chattering away.

“Jude, can you please go get your shoes on?”

“Nooo!  I don’t want to wear shoes!!  I don’t want to get them.”  Throws himself onto the floor.

“Why don’t you wear your flip flops?”

“Ok!”  Runs off to get them.

He’s high drama.  And he’s high fun.  He’s intense.  And he’s exciting.  He’s impassioned.  And he’s mercurial.  He’s my adorable tropical island with the smoothest skin you ever did see.

Thankfully, I can deal with this.  I don’t cave to feelings, but with Jude I don’t have to because they change so quickly.  He’s like a day in Hawaii.  Beautiful with occasional rain for variety.  These are not the hour long battle of wills, they’re just fracas.  He’s emoting.  And usually he’s a pretty happy enthusiastic guy.  I feel flattered that he tries to save all his storminess just for me because he knows I love him come rain or shine.

  To be fair, Jude puts up with a lot.  He’s the middle kid and gets to interact with Ms. Personality and Silas the two-year-old monster boy.

But Jude knows the hierarchy.  He doesn’t put up with crap.

Mimi has a clan of little girl friends she plays with frequently. Jude is always included, but he sometimes finds the girly stuff a bit taxing.  

So I have a special place in my heart for my Middle.  The new mantra around here is Middle Comes First.  And Hurricane Jude is definitely getting his due share of attention and privileges.

Jude got the RC Ferrari, Silas got the little Fisher Price car.  Life is unfair and Jude likes it.

   

He’s my cubby.  I live for the evening he sneaks out to chat with me once the other kids are asleep.  We love each other.

Come Little Child and Together We’ll Learn

“Teach me to walk in the light of His love

Teach me to pray to my Father above

Teach me to know of the things that are right.

Teach me, teach me, to walk in the light”

Today was the Primary Program at Church.  It was Mimi’s second such event and Jude’s first and it is a BIG DEAL for them.  They’d spent nine months learning the songs and themes and then the last three weeks preparing for the program.  Mimi and Jude both had one line each. 
The Primary in this ward is one of the main reasons I moved back to this area.  There were 93 kids in the primary.  93.  And not ONE of them was a screw ball naughty kid.  The leaders in our primary have it together and work really really hard.  I’m so thankful for them.  It’s because of their long suffering that the kids are so enthusiastic about church. 
As a theater person I consider this their debut. There was no way I was going to let MY kids be the naughty kids up there – the ones who stick out their tongues or race through their lines or, heaven forbid, not sing. This family has standards and I will sink to any level to achieve them.

The morning started out very poorly. Jude had spent the night at his cousins and was a basket case by the time we went on our morning family bike ride. He whined and complained the whole time.  When everybody was finally piled in the car and on our way I began the expectations discussion.  I told the kids the story of “Naughty Seth” an invented bad little boy who was four and acted naughty during the primary program.  He didn’t sing, he made mad faces, stuck out his tongue, etc.  The imaginary bishop took imaginary Naughty Seth and spanked him in front of everybody at church.  And also, Seth did not get a donut.  This plan worked like a charm.  Reward and a dollop of fear.  All the grumpy frowns were eradicated by the time we made it to the chapel.  Haha!  Victory!
Mimi and Jude wanted more than anything for their Dada Dx to be at the program.  It’s been a long time since Dx had been to church with the kids and even longer since we were seen together in public, much less church.  The kids and I are in the ward where everybody knew us when we were married, so this invitation was a double whammy:  not only was it going to church but it was pretty literally going as our original family in what I consider to be my home ward.  I was really nervous.  Had the situation been reversed I don’t think I would have had the courage to attend.  But he went and the kids were thrilled to have their Dada there.  I’m so thankful for the spirit of real Christian goodwill extended toward all of us today.  My favorite part about the LDS doctrine is the belief in progress and genuine brotherly love. 
Where was Some Guy you ask?  He has chosen to live in and attend the same stake where we had so many problems.  I respect his decision to stay there, but I chose to remove myself from that toxic environment.  I have nothing negative to say about him nor his entire family, they are good people following divine inspiration.  We are both doing what we believe is best for our children and Mimi, Jude and Silas are certainly thriving.  The kids and I are where we belong now – we have lots of real friends and are not ostracized nor condemned on the basis of false information and gossip.  Peace and love reigns here.  Come on in, the water’s great.
As soon as they were all up there and I could see my little four year old boy singing his little heart out and Mimi doing all the actions enthusiastically I couldn’t help myself.  Tears welled up in my eyes.  I’ve always gone back and forth about teaching children so young about a specific dogma, but my trepidation was quelled today as I saw my beaming children.

Outside our church building, 2008 on Jude’s blessing day.  And now he’s so big and in the Primary Program!
All the months and months of wrestling them into their church clothes, wrangling the three of them as they bug each other on the pew, trips to the time-out room (Spiritual Prison, as Ellie named it) all of the weeks I’ve thought to myself “Who cares?  We get so little out of church because it’s so hard to keep them focused” but attended anyway all paid off in one perfect second.  They knew the songs and loved to sing them.  They know how to pray.  They have a modicum of understanding about how the gospel can give us peace. 
All of this because so many teachers volunteer their time and have committed to attending church.  No one forces them to be there.  The teachers don’t have to be patient with Jude when he’s grumpy.  The leadership could phone it in or sub out their responsibilities, but they don’t.  They are pulling a huge weight and my children are soaking it all in and learning more than they could possibly believe.  Thank you all for your love and service.

While it was certainly their moment, I felt today an undeniable confirmation that I too have done right by these kids.    It doesn’t really matter what things are wrong or right in my life as long as they are given all the access they can have to education, both religious and secular, and that they know how much they are loved by their family and their church leaders.  Their Dada could see the results of my laboring to keep my kids in church every single week – no matter what my personal life was like – and that they are happy here.  My struggle is paying off as they learn to love the gospel.

Daring Greatly

 

The Man in the Arena by Theodore Roosevelt

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;

who strives valiantly;

who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;

but who does actually strive to do the deeds;

who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

If you haven’t listened to Brene Brown’s TED talk “Listening to Shame” you should.  It gets wonderful around 11:45.

Click:

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

Me too.

Coooool Rider. A Cool Cool Cool Cool Rider

To be a coooool rider, a coooool rider.
If he's cool enough,
He can burn me through and through.
Whoa ohhhh
If it takes forever,
Then I'll wait forever.
No ordinary boy,
No ordinary boy is gonna do.
I want a rider that's cool.

Yeah, that’s right.  I just went all Grease 2 on you.  Michele Pfeiffer and everything. 

We recently became a bike family.

My dad is a major bike dude – with the stretchy pants and clicky shoes.  He rides for thousands of miles at a time, I’m pretty sure.

Last month Mimi got on a bike and started riding, like she’d been doing it all her life.  She was the first.  Things have snowballed since then.  Jude could not contain his jealousy and jumped on Mimi’s too small bike (pink and purple, he didn’t care) and took off.  We went back and forth with training wheels and now, after using the greatest invention in the world, he is a full time peddler.  Thank you like-a-bike.  Training wheels are for sissies.

The two of them ride all day long in our court with their friends.  I have to bribe them off their bikes. 

After hearing the bike riding enthusiasm around here, my dad sponsored a bike for me!  Now nearly everybody in my extended family has bikes and my father’s fondest wish has come true:  FAMILY BIKE RIDES!!

 

At my house we had three peddlers and one Silas chasing behind like a red-headed step child.

So then Silas needed transportation.  I don’t believe in bike riding if I can’t take my minions with me.  It should be a family experience otherwise, to me, selfish.

I know nothing about bikes other than how to ride one.  Can’t fix anything, don’t know when things are wrong, don’t know how to attach accessories,  have no interest in learning to change a tire, I know nothing.  I’ve brought these bikes in about once a week to the fix-it guy for tire problems, etc.

To solve the Silas problem I headed over to Any Mountain and picked out a $45 child seat for the back of my bike.  Mimi dragged it across the store while I wheeled my bike into the fixer-guys.  They said they could put it on for $15 and in an hour.  Party.  The Jungle is next door so the kids and I went off to play.

An hour later we were back and very tired.  The thing was on.  The store was crowded my kids were being naughty.  There were three people in line behind me.

“That’ll be $249.87.” 

WHAT THE WHAT??  Uh, that POS costs $45!  Apparently, NO, that is only the visor attachment.

So here I have a serious installation on my bike, three screaming kids and a bunch of people watching me.

And therefore I BOUGHT THE DAMN THING.

Yeah, Silas.  Looking Cool.  I guess.

And then I went to my car and cried.  I can’t handle that sort of pressure.  Sorry children, we will not be eating this week.  Silas must sit on the bike throne.

The offending item carrying my super stoked Silas.  I’m not even convinced of it’s safety.  Doesn’t he look lumpy and lopsided?  Arg. Whatever.  Taking it back would be too hard.

Well there’s only one real way to consol yourself when you get locked into buying a stupid $250 bike carrier thingy. 

You buy cool helmets to coordinate.

If we’re going to go down we’re going to do it in style.

These are some Cool Riders.