Once upon a time in Babyland

We made it to the end of the pregnancy a bit faster than usual. At our 36 week appointment my body was starting to object and showing signs by making my pulse race and my blood pressure skyrocket intermittently.  Pulse is suppose to be around 100 for pregnant women, mine was up to 142 and never below 108. I don't know what my blood pressure was because I don't understand what those numbers mean. And I was dilated to 3. So all of those contractions I'd been having for the last month were actually making progress, which is amusing because that means I've been in labor for about a month. How is that fair?

 But at least by baby five I knew what to expect and had zero dry runs for the hospital. On Jan 4 they sent me in for monitoring and the babe seemed to be doing fine despite my blood pressure so we just watched it for a week.

By week 37, Jan 11, they were still worried about my heart and sent me in again for an echocardiogram to make sure there wasn't some underlying problem that would cause a heart attack mid birth.  Finding no cause for the issue in my heart they decided it would be best to induce me the following day.

I went in at dawn by myself and Danny got the kids off to school and Lou to my sister wife Lacy's.  At the hospital they dinked around for a few hours, as they are wont to do, and finally started pitocin at about ten, Danny showed up around then. Of course since I have so many people that meant touch and go planning all day. My support people had to plan their lives and outsource their children, my kid watchers had to plan their days. It's no easy thing to jump to the aid of a laboring friend on any random day for hours at a time and I'm very grateful to all of them.

Anna arrived with magazines, treats and drinks and was the in-labor entertainment with Fae and Danny.  They read aloud cattily from People magazine and did my hair and complained about the epidural guy with me.

They broke my water at about 12:30, gave me their hack brand of stadol that lasted barely an hour and then gave me an epidural.

Oh, the epidural guy. When you get an epidural they have to warn you about the risks and have you sign something. This guy went far beyond that. The epidural is one of the scariest parts of birth because who can stand the prospect of a shot going into your spinal cord? And you have to sit in an awful position while you're in pain while not moving at all.  It's misery, but worth it for the pain relief.  So this epidural guy wanted to talk through the whole thing and tell me 16 different ways each thing could kill me and exactly how much it would hurt and why it feels like you're getting electrocuted and do I want to see the gadgets? I could have killed him. Twice, twice! I told him just do it I don't want to hear about the science. But he wouldn't stop blathering. Anna was cackling horrified in the background, Danny was facing me trying to settle me down so I didn't turn around and hit the guy in the face. 

After the pain meds kicked in I started fainting, which is typical for me during birth. They put meds in my iv to revive me but they kept wearing off and I'd start to black out painfully. It was a very overwhelming feeling like being crushed and smothered. The meds eventually stabilized me and I could lift my head long enough to get my braids done.  

Fae took off to get the kids from school and Rebekah showed up sometime in there. Anna, Danny and Rebekah then started a new name list and made me very angry by putting absurd names like Moredcai and Rueben.

 I couldn't object because I was faint and then the doctor came in to check me. Of course I was complete. That list became the "transition names" list and I hated it.

Fae arrived with my three big kids and they came in and chatted with me for a few minutes. I was really happy they were able to see me all hooked up and ready to push baby out. They were concerned but enthusiastic and excited.  Fae ushered them outside to wait.

We swung our arms for a while waiting for the doctor.  The resident was there and was amusing when I asked him if I could start pushing. He didn't want to advise at all. My Camille nurse (Caitlin) said she'd caught babies before if I needed to.

Dr Jackie showed up and the real party began. Rebekah took photos, Anna had one leg, Danny had the other. It seemed like a long time between contractions so Danny put on a good Beatles playlist.  I got the giggles and could not stop laughing because that's one of my stress responses. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard, I must have sounded like a crazy person. 

Though this was my fifth baby and it was 37 weeks gestation I thought it was rather slow and difficult in arriving.  I had to actually try to push that sucker out. People were counting and being encouraging but after like 8 contractions (20 mins of pushing, in reality) I was frustrated. Two more and the baby was out! I can't believe people have to push for hours some times, must be very hard.  Danny announced the sex: a boy!  I've never seen anyone more shocked. He burst into tears, which apparently is his reaction to my having his babies. He couldn't believe he was a dad of a boy.

Baby came out hollering and didn't need to be suctioned so he just did skin to skin for as long as possible. When the doctor was finished with me the children were brought in and I had them come peek at the baby to find out what it was for themselves.  

Silas said "She has a penis!" and Mimi said, "great, now we're outnumbered."  Jude was a little freaked out by the whole thing. 

At some point they weighed him in at 7.8 and 20inches.  He was born at 4:18 pm and latched right on at his first nursing attempt.

Eventually people returned to their real lives: Anna picked up Betty Lou for the night from Lacy and dropped off MJS for the first night.  Danny collected them all the following afternoon and had all four alone for the night.  I basked in the hospital with my tiny perfect sweet boy and fretted over the next hurdle: naming.