Life Ruiners

“But why would she do that?

Because she’s a life ruiner.  She ruins people’s lives.”

Mean Girls.  If you haven’t seen it you can’t sit with us.

 

Mean girls has become part of our canon of modern classics.  It strikes a chord because everyone has at one time or another been “victimized by Regina George”, which is to say they’ve been the recipients of meanness from other women.  Most of the time my mother’s time-worn consolation, “Nobody notices, nobody cares” applies – the offense is usually in our heads.  Most offense is unintentional.

However, there will always be the Regina Georges.  Or, if you’re a man, the Javerts. 

Seriously Javert, get over it.  Get on with your life.

Regina George is the quintessential Queen Bee.  She intimidates girls into being just like her and ostracizes those who don’t.  And when Regina George has her sights set on you, you’re pretty much going to have your life ruined.  Girls come into your life and decide that they don't like you. Then they do something about it.  They try to ruin your life under the ostensible goal of HELPING you.

My sister described these snake-in-the-grass Girls, “They are the people who call you inappropriate for wearing red fingernail polish to a Young Women's meeting. They are the people who send nasty emails to your parents when they think you aren't living your life right. They are the people who carve terrible words into your car when you don't do what they want you to do. They're the people who find out you like Aaron Samuels and then start dating him and dangling it in your face. They are the people who cause you to wind up in the principal's office because you didn't sit at their table at In n' Out. They are The Life Ruiners.”

The aforementioned sister recently came in the crossfire of a very mean girl and showed up crying on my doorstep.  We anger-cleaned my house and talked about all the Life Ruiners we've known and dealt with over the past years.  My sister is on the once-a-year plan.  I, however, am on the every-six-months plan.  Apparently I have a biannual subscription to Life Ruiners.

What is it with these types of women?  Why go out of your way to make someone else’s life more difficult than it needs to be?  And why are my sister and I such an easy targets for these types of women?  Do I have a sign on my back that says “It’s been 6 months and I’m pretty happy.  Stab me!”

I’m an equal opportunity offender.  I make people mad sometimes with my careless words, I get that, but rarely am I directly speaking to hurt and I never EVER pull out all the stops.  I’m also very responsible when it’s brought to my attention and quick to apologize sincerely.  I probably owe a lot of people apologies for various things, but I think I’m up-to-date because I like relationship peace.  Unfortunately, many people aren’t looking for apologies.  They’re looking for retribution.

Last week all three of us had black eyes at the same time.  Mimi fell and bonked her head, I caught an accidental elbow to the face, and Mimi accidentally kicked Jude.

Usually my Life Ruiners come out of the blue.  There’s the woman who took something I said in Relief Society and wrote a whole post about how ignorant I am to the plight of women.  Uh huh.  Total woman hater here, clearly.  There’s the woman who took me out to lunch and then proceeded to tell me that the way I look is the reason why my life was a disaster and that nobody took me seriously because I wear a ring with a gun on it to church.  Thanks!  Totally helpful!  Thanks for restoring my faith in the non-judgment of “Christians”.  See you at the temple!  Oh, and let’s not forget the latest and greatest.  My best friend wrote my parents (?!)  a lovely inventive email outlining every sin she thought I’d committed – because she was “worried” – and also said some pretty heinous false things about Hush (after she’d texted him all of my deepest darkest secrets.)  Thankfully my family knows my Life Ruiner history and laughed it off.  Seven years of friendship.  Gone.  I’m still in mourning.

These events don’t make me angry, they make me disappointed and sad.  I don’t hold grudges, I simply live my life without them forever.  Is that holding a grudge or just being careful?  They pull a stunt like that and it’s like flicking a switch – gone from my life, just a memory. 

 

My question for all of these attempted Life Ruiners is WHY?  Why go out of your way to make trouble in someone else’s life?  What do you have to gain from another’s misery?

Sure, we’ve all been mad.  We’ve all been hurt.  But the difference between an adult and a Life Ruiner must be the lessons I learned from my mother:

1.  Write the letter, get all your feelings out.  Then don’t send it.  Throw it away.

2.  Let it go.

3.  Mind your own business, live your own life.

4.  Choose to think the best of people.  Assume the good in others.

And 5.  Be the light. 

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” – Plato

The worst part about the Life Ruiners in my life is that they have always been women. I’ve become wary and gun-shy; who’s going to have it out for me next time?  But more importantly, how can I restore my faith in friendship with women? 

Sigh.  At least I have my sisters.

Get in loser, we’re going shopping.