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“to see a world in a grain of sand
and heaven in a wildflower
hold infinity in the palm of your hand
and eternity in an hour”
William Blake
I consider myself a fairly reasonable person, but I believe in some pretty outlandish things. How does a reasonable person reconcile the two?
Here’s how I do it.
I lose my car keys constantly. Almost daily. For some reason they are slippery and they sneak away even if I make a concerted effort to put them back in the same place every time. They have their usual hiding places where they most often lurk, but nonetheless I lose them. Perhaps it is because leaving usually entails grabbing a million kid-articles on my way out the door, but my lost keys issue has been an ongoing trip up since I became a licensed driver. I don’t often lose other things – I can keep track of cell phones for years and any number of random things. It’s just the keys. And nothing can quite stop you in your tracks more literally than losing your keys.
My unicorn keys. If lost please return.
Here’s the seemingly unreasonable part.
Whenever I lose my keys I say a little prayer to God/Heavenly Father/Allah/Jah/the higher power. Yeah, that’s right. I take my tiny little stupid annoying problem to the MOST POWERFUL BEING IN THE UNIVERSE and I ask Him to help me find my keys.
William Blake’s The Ancient of Days
And then a vague image comes into my head, one of two sorts. The first type is definite: look on the changing table. The second type is vague: quit looking, move on, YOU won’t find them because YOU didn’t lose them. For the first, I find them in the exact place that came to my mind. For the second, it means that my kids moved them and that they’ll turn up soon through the help of another.
And then, without fail, I find my keys.
Every single time I have lost my keys I have prayed to find them like a superstitious twerp. Dumb old Nor with her lame lost keys appealing to the Supreme Creator of all Galaxies. I feel like a moron doing it because IT MAKES NO SENSE. Losing keys is a uniquely human foible. I or another human misplaced the keys. Why would I go outside my own sphere of definite knowledge to fix annoying minutia?
Because it works. Every single time.
This is my particle. It isn’t much, but I can say with confidence that it is the tender and amusing mercy He has always given to me – a kind of inside joke between me and my creator. I always giggle a little bit when I say that silly prayer, but it has become foundational for my faith.
But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than a desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words. -- Book of Mormon, Alma section 32 verse 27
My deduction is as follows: God knows me. He knows that when I am lost and struggling, when I am alone and jaded, when I’m angry and disenfranchised by a religion that doesn’t seem to fit me and my life, when my back is turned and my ears are plugged that I will invariably lose my keys. And then I will pray. And He will help me find them.
So when I am looking forward without hope, when my heart is filled with doubt, when I look at my circumstances and feel frustration and want to kick somebody, when I think that my heartfelt prayers are just bouncing off the ceiling I remember that God always, always answers this tiny prayer for me. Maybe it’s His way of saying I Am. I exist. I know you.
“Nor, your keys are over there.”
And because He has answered this little prayer time and time again, I have faith He can answer my most far-fetched deepest longings: to have an eternal family for my children as soon as possible.
It’s not very reasonable to believe that a higher power would be concerned with my little things and most of the time it seems like He isn’t. But because He has in this one area I combine my reason with faith both in finding my keys and in making huge decisions in my life. God knows me. Everything is going to be fine.
Hey Marcus B. Nash, good job your “By Faith All Things are Fulfilled” talk. It was inspiring and well delivered. Thanks for writing it just for me.
9 comments:
Elder Nash is in my ward. I visit teach his wife. I'll tell him you liked his talk. Yes, I guess there is ONE cool thing about living in Utah :)
I love your perspective and faith so much. So much!!
I always pray that Ian will fall back asleep when he has had an exceptionally short nap. I don't think he has ever gone back to sleep and I get mad every single time and question things.
What holds me strong in the gospel is feeling the spirit out of the blue doing something completely random, like reading a post on your blog.
There were a lot of talks that "spoke" to me at Conference. This was not one of them, but I remember thinking, during his talk, that it was okay because I was sure it was for someone else. I'm glad it was you.
de-lurking. For me it was the song If the way be full of trial weary not. The Mo-Tabs fill my soul and those words are precious to me. I admire your faith and think your children are blessed to have you for a Mom.
That's it, I have to comment. I love your writing Lenore. I also love that scripture. It is funny how He is concerned about temporal matters. It's the little things (like lost keys) that remind me He is there, and I just to have to believe. "It is requir'd/You do awake your faith" (The Winter's Tale. Thanks for the reminder today.
I love this. And I am glad you pray for your lost keys, and for your great examples of faith. You rock.
We lost your keys today. This time all you had to do was ask Niya ;)
Almost inspiring enough to coax me to consider praying again besides like the occasional blessing on the food w/the kids.
Just being stubborn again & not wanting to listen so I just don't talk I guess. Good thing He's uber patient- or I guess I can hope.
Truly you are inspiring though in many ways. Glad for the one time I met you & that you accepted my fb friend request so I see a post & click to read a blog every so often.
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