Thailand Day 3: Creepies and Cooking

You know you're with a good set of traveling companions when you wake up and say, "Mimi and I are off to find our cooking class, see you some time this afternoon!" and then you ditch the four boys to figure out their day.

Mimi and I had to get all the way across Bangkok at rush hour.  We hopped in a tuktuk and off we went.

Doing makeup in the back of a tuktuk going like 60 mph

Before we left I'd found and signed us up for the greatest little cooking school in Bangkok.  When you see a cooking school called "Cooking with Poo" you sign up.  That's just what you do.  Poo is apparently nickname for Rose in Thailand, as far as she explained, and her little school is rad.  Even Jaime Oliver has cooked with Poo. 

The way it works is you pay $45 for a morning of touring the outside market and then ride over to her little tiny house in a ghetto neighborhood of Bangkok.  This is not some giant building with fancy stoves.  Poo started small at her home and then grew her business but decided to stay in the tiny ghetto because she brings customers to the little neighborhood shops and feeds the impoverished families with leftover food.  She is truly an inspiring business woman and I encourage anybody who visits Bangkok to take a class with Poo.  The van picked the 8 of us (tourists speaking all languages from all over) up at a fancy hotel in the center of town and whisked us off to the market.  And when I say market, I mean a huge outside center of booths dripping with chicken guts, piled with exotic fruits and vegetables.  

Warning, this will be disgusting.

There was a little warning before we went in that told us this activity is not for the feint of heart nor weak of stomach.  It was truly one of the most exciting/disgusting experiences I've ever had, followed only by the Tsukiji fish market in Tokyo.  If it wasn't dead and laying exposed in piles it was alive and squirming.  There were insects, frogs, poultry, and sea creatures in all stages of life and death and not a bottle of bleach for miles.

Eels in the market

The smells, the sights, the thai cursing for us to jump out of the way because some old lady was coming through with a giant basket on her back full of dead chicken was a shock to all of the senses.  The market was more of a tour than an actual purchasing experience -- Poo and her ladies buy the food ahead of time and just restock on one or two things while you're there. 

Pork on the left, dessert on the right.

  I had no idea there were so many fruits I'd never even heard of let alone bought at the regular grocery store.  We sloshed in our OPEN TOE'D SHOES (mom fail) through the guts and blood that gets hosed down nearly hourly but never get the slippery blood sludge washed totally away.  It was indeed harrowing but we absolutely loved every disgusting gross out minute. 

This kid is brave.  She's seen some gross stuff.

Making crepes/tortillas in the market

Mimi, 10, keeping right up.

 From the market we were taken to the ghetto where Poo has her school all set up.  She instructs you and her assistants prep the materials you need to cook the food.  Mimi and I can now cook an entire Thai meal: Tom Yum Gai (Hot & Spicy Soup with Chicken), Gai Ga Teum (Stir fried Chicken with Garlic) and Larb Bet (Minced Duck with Lemongrass).  Mimi was, of course, the only child in the class and she more than kept up.  I, on the other hand, barfed in the bathroom (I think from one of the dubious looking drinks in a bag I bought and bravely consumed) but soldiered on.  

After I nearly met my maker in their bathroom.

I love seeing her in her element.  Great kid hobby.

Our favorite: larb.  Sour cilantro tasting minced duck.

After our cooking lessons we sampled every exotic fruit available.  Mom would have loved that part.  It was like a designer fruit salad.

Bottom right are Mangosteen.  They're my new favorite fruit.

In case you were wondering if Mimi is Thai, here are three women who look more like her than I do.

We found our way back via skytrain and subway, and then Mimi conned me into a ride on the back of a scooter the last three blocks to our hotel.

Blake and Jude on their idyllic swan boat.

When we met up again the boys regaled us with stories of their adventures in Lumphini park.  Imagine a gorgeous pond with sweet little swan paddle boats.  Now imagine paddling out on those boats, the Hippie and Silas in one boat, Jude and Blake in the other.  Smile as you hear Silas gush, "This is the best day of my life" and then, as you glance down from the lush greenery to the water you see a giant reptile swim by.  And then another.  And another.
  

Before Silas saw the lizards.

The entire pond and lake is infested with four feet long monitor lizards.  

I'm afraid of animals, but I am terrified by reptiles in general.  They scare the hell out of me.  At the time when they noticed these beasts they didn't know what type of lizards they were.  In second grade Jude did a report on Komodo Dragons and these lizards look the exact same and he knows that Komodo Dragons eat cute plump little boys just like him.  I can only imagine the panicked paddling and how fast they hauled those idyllic Swan boats to shore.  But alas, there was not respite upon disembarkation.  

Might as well be a crocodile.

The monsters were everywhere, swarming, but nobody else in the park seemed to mind.  That's the funny thing about Thailand.  What seems like a horror movie to an American tourist is just another day in Thailand for the locals.  Seeing that nobody else was freaked out the boys apparently went exploring in the park or horrors.  

Count me out of this park.

Men folk in the pagoda

 They discovered a pretty rad pagoda and a stranger approached the Hippie and proceeded to manhandle him.  The guy approached him and in broken English said he was a boxing masseur. 

 Of course the Hippie waved him off.  But the stranger went ahead anyway and within seconds was administering what the Hippie reports was the best massage he has ever experienced.  It cost $2. Those adventures were followed with what the boys all agree was the best street food they'd ever had -- for about 40 cents.  

Stranger massage of a lifetime.

When we reunited we rested for a bit and then took a tuktuk in the pouring rain over to a mall type place in Chinatown.  It was a goal of mine to find authentic Thai outfits for my kids so that the next time they have Ethnic Heritage Day at their school they will be prepared and in costume because #greenanscommit.

I just want them to wear their Thai outfits all the time.

This is what little Thai kids wear for festivals and special occasions.

Mimi and her claws

We shopped around the Old Siam marketplace and once again ate the most delicious food we'd ever tasted.  From there we navigated via subway to the paramount Thai Cultural theatrical experience available in Bangkok: the Siam Niramit show.  This show was no joke.  Set in a constructed village similar to the Polynesian Cultural Center in Laie Hawaii, the purpose of this joint was to showcase all the mythology and history that makes Thailand so special.  It's absolutely commercialized and Epcot-esque, but that doesn't make it any less spectacular with its 100's of performers and more than 500 costumes.  The show takes you first through the four areas in Thailand and what makes them special: in the North The King and Queen lead a procession to worship Buddha and they do a ceremonial lantern release into a river on stage.  It's gorgeous.  Then in the south you see Thai Buddhist and Muslim cultures blending harmoniously with Chinese merchants arriving by boat.  In the Northeast you see villagers celebrating a religious festival before a temple and "Apsara" or angels come to life and dance.  Last, in the central area they show you farm life and a procession of royal barges.  It is spectacular and sensational.  The second half is all about Thai mythology and has subtitles (well, above titles) in a variety of languages explaining who the mythological creatures are and what they do.  Every scene was more magnificent than the last and my children especially appreciated visiting Fiery Hell where they learned what happens to parents who are naughty to their children.  Liars have their tongues torn out.  Alcoholics have to drink boiling water.  It's like a Thai Dante's Inferno.

But then off they whisk you to a mystical forest with flying magical animals, then finally to Blissful Heaven where the most beautiful women (and lady boys) float around on clouds.  Being Pam's daughter all I can think about is the cost of flying all those people.  Later they parade some elephants around and have a grand finale.  We LOVED it in all its weird sensational glory.  After the show you can take pictures with the performers and we were ready because I had made MJS wear their traditional Thai costumes.  Thailand, man.  We were rocking it.

After Siam Niramit show.

So glad I missed meeting this guy.