The Ikea Curse

So we went to Ikea the other day because I needed ONE THING:  a hanging rack for the closet.

But then it happened, like it always does.

Ikea always sounds like a pretty good idea.  Sounds kinda fun. 

You walk through the little pretend rooms upstairs and marvel at their use of space.  You look at how everything is put together so nicely and coordinates.  By the end you start thinking that lime green and Dr. Seuss are legitimate themes for décor.

You find yourself at the end of the adorable houses walk through and there you are in the nursery area.  Everything is so miniature!  It’s all so matchy-matchy!  Maybe it would look cute in my . . .

NO.  IT WILL NOT.

It will look terrible.  Nothing in my house looks good with Ikea, it just doesn’t match what I already own.  I’ll get one piece home and it will ruin everything in the room.  Or it’ll look like Pee Wee’s Playhouse.

It’s really rather frustrating because the furniture there is so functional and pretty reasonably priced.  (Except for the mattresses.  Why are the mattresses so overpriced?  I would buy one because nobody could tell it was Ikea but really they’re overpriced.)  I want to use Ikea well.  It just looks so stupid in my house.  Who is really going to outfit their entire place, including the whole kitchen, in uber modern Swedish furniture attempting to appear traditional?  And how about how weak the materials are?  Ikea furniture should be used in Karate classes for board breaking.  I could kick through all their cheap crap.

Nonetheless I can’t leave that stupid store without spending at least $100.  They just get you.  That extravaganza of stuff to easily grab on the bottom floor is a disaster.  You’ve walked nearly a mile by that time, right?  Might as well start chucking things in the cart that does not roll straight and must roll in a diagonal line.

Ask me what I bought.  I have no idea. 

I’m pretty sure I just paid an exit fee to get the hell out of there.

I curse that place and it’s siren song.  I curse you, you Scandinavian Scoundrels.

But I’ll be back next week, probably.  I only need one thing.