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This is a very tumultuous time in our familial life. We have so many unanswered questions and the path seems very fuzzy.
Will I decide to go to law school?
Will we continue to go to church without a daddy?
Will Silas stop saying “poophead”?
Will I find peace and resolution about Some Guy?
Or will he decide to move here full time and be a family with us?
Will he reconcile with his first wife?
Will Jude remain stormy?
Will I ever believe in love again?
Will we move to wherever law school might be?
Will the children see more of their father?
Will Houdini return to his faith?
Will I ever be able to drive Highway 24 without thinking about Nate’s death?
Will Houdini continue on his destructive life path?
Will I ever have more babies?
Will Mimi get a role in the play she’s auditioning for?
Will we be an eternal family with a dad, ever?
Will I ever be able to forgive them?
Will Sacrament Meeting ever become more manageable?
Will Stamos ever call?
Will we accomplish our goals?
Will my hair stay pink?
Will Friday afternoons ever get easier?
Will we be okay?
I am about to submit my applications to law schools and I don’t need this blog out there as part of my Google search. Once I hear responses, and it is appropriate, I will resume blogging.
I love blogging. I love writing, I love sharing pictures of my children, I love having a record of our comings and goings. I love looking back at the things I was thinking about and I love being reminded of how and why I am where I am in life. It’s about as narcissistic as a journal for me and more productive. If I make public my thoughts and feelings I am more likely to have a positive attitude. I’ve loved your comments and your readership (1200+ daily!!).
My blog has been an adventure providing everything from logged accounts of my efforts and my failures, our successes and our hopes and dreams being dashed to smithereens. I’ve been able to explain myself – my interests, my hair, my faith, my parenting, my choices – and I’ve felt more validated in doing so. When I’ve been at the very lowest points and at my highest, they’re all chronicled here. Because I blog I have challenged my fears of being judged and evaluated, and become stronger. Major life changes have not been hidden. I’ve made choices about how and when to share information. I’ve tried to publish peace and hope, even while I’ve been struggling beyond what I could have imagined when I started writing this five years ago. I’ve made some mistakes, but I’ve done the best that I can.
Now it’s time to go incognito.
I will not be posting so you won’t be missing out on anything. Don’t be offended when you see “You are not invited to read this blog” as I will have no invited readers.
If you would like to be notified when the next chapter of this blog continues please leave your email in the comments, send me an email (), or let me know on Facebook. Oh, and if you wouldn’t mind, please use your crystal ball and let me know what the answers are to any and all of the above questions.
See you on the flip side. Wish me luck. Here goes nothing.
22 comments:
Good luck! I love your writing and will miss it while you're gone. I do think, to answer one of your questions, that Silas will stop saying poopyhead. My son stopped saying stupid poopy butthead a while back. I was so proud.
You are a strong woman. I wish you all the best, and thanks for the entertaining, insightful, and real read while you've been online.
I am sad and will miss you. However, I am excited for you to be moving forward with your life. I even have an answer to all your questions! Probably not worthy answers, but I did go through each one and decide the ending. My only suggestion is to apply to schools that don't take you far away. It is important for you and your kids to have family nearby. Berkeley and USF have fine law schools. I favor USF. Love you..
I love reading what you write! I will miss your insight and opinions. I am excited for your law school adventures! Wishing you all the best in everything!!
Here here! I love reading, your words are always so fresh and inspiring. I use my blog too more as my (PUBLIC) journal so I encourage you to not stay dark for too long. I am so sorry there are so many unanswered questions, but God is not a God of confusion, so run towards the things that are good and MAKE SENSE, those are the gifts from Him. Hugs!
2 Samuel 22:31 What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth. Every God-direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward him Makes it. 32 Is there any god like God? Are we not at bedrock? 33 Is not this the God who armed me well, then aimed me in the right direction? 34 Now I run like a deer; I'm king of the mountain. 35 He shows me how to fight; I can bend a bronze bow! 36 You protect me with salvation-armor; you touch me and I feel ten feet tall.
Keep us posted on your future, when you're ready to share. We wish you all the best. Meanwhile, I hate to tell you, but Silas will never stop saying Poophead. Sorry. (karablair@gmail.com)
You're one of my favorite blogs to read! I would love to keep following you when you start blogging again. Kmagleby90@gmail.com. Also, your children are absolutely adorable!
I'll miss you and hope you come back. My path is somewhat similar to yours and feel a tiny kinship with you. Cheers! And good luck.
shannandesh at msn.com
Best of luck with this new chapter of your life! I am excited for you--the best is yet to come. Thanks for sharing yourself with us all. I look forward to reading when you return! :)
Your hair looks a-maze-ing in that first picture! I know the answer to many of those questions is YES so good luck!!
Good luck with everything coming up! I love reading your blog - I would love to keep reading when you start up again!! wilberger.j@gmail.com :)
Please let me know when you come back! I have been a long time lurker. Love your family, love your blog. ambergeson@gmail.com
Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities and successes! Your posts have brought me hope and insight,and understanding that I am not alone in my own hardships and struggles. I'll be looking forward to your posts when you start up again. Please let me know when you're back. Until then, best of luck in your endeavors. Any Law School would be lucky to have you. You are brilliant! doranbromley@hotmail.com
Oh shoot. We are going to miss you while you are on a LOA from blogland. Yes! Please send us an update when you are back. jendopp@hotmail.com.
I wish I did have a crystal ball for you. It would be lovely if I could give you some of the answers to your questions. But... as cheesy as this sounds, I do know all will be well. You are a strong woman and you are going to land on your feet. I LOVE Elder Holland's talk that speaks of our disappointments and losses. All will be made whole. All will work out. Keep the faith sista.
Can't wait to hear all the news! Mwah!
Good luck with everything! I've been reading for a long time and of course, I want to know when you come back! caitroundy@yahoo.com
You know I love you...going to miss you..not just cause your going dark but I wont ever see you anymore either :( Things will get better. You are learning things now that will benefit you for the rest of eternity. You must be a pretty strong spirit to require such adversity to grow. I promise, He knows you. He loves you. This will all be a memory someday.
I've blogged stalked you for a couple of years now. I will miss your writing, your sense of humor, your realness. Good luck to you and your little family on this next adventure.
I've been reading you since before Silas was born. I wish you all the best and hurry back soon! You deserve the greatest happiness Lenore!
Gooood luck! It will all work out. Or it won't. And it will later, when you're not paying attention. Whoever has you in their google reader (like me) will still have access to all of your posts up until now even if you go private. Not that any law schools have you in their google reader but just wanted to let you know it's all still accessible. I don't know why google reader allows that.
I have been a long time reader/lurker and have always admired your raw way of expressing the ups and downs of your life. I wish nothing but the best for you and your beautiful children. I would love to be able to continue to read when you choose to return
nancy.sherk@gmail.com
Another lurker, but also a friend of a friend, who admires your honesty and your pragmatic approach to life. As an "older" woman who was a single mom of three kids for many years, I sympathize with your struggles and would like to offer encouragement and the hope that it does, eventually, get better and easier. As someone who finally remarried in my 50s, I know there is a wonderful man out there for you. The timing may not be right just now, but be patient. You will find love again. As the mom of a recent law school grad, think carefully before you begin the long, expensive slog through law school. Do you really need it to do what you want to do in life? Is it worth the time and cost? And, lastly, as someone who will miss you while you are dark, I'd love to be notified when you are back. Best of luck. You will be a success whatever you choose. pkaap@aol.com
I read often and never comment, but would love to keep reading if and when you start back up. So, please add me to your list... desij_73@hotmail.com
Best of luck! I would love to hear some of the answers to those questions. Love to know when you come back! mfginghamworld@gmail.com
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