I No Costco

Once upon a time there was a horrible impregnable fortress down the street from me.  Every time anybody went in to the fortress they were accosted by the identification police. 

Inside was the fortress was a hideous wasteland stocked floor to ceiling with shrink wrapped pallets of huge stuff.  There was little rhyme nor reason to the contents of the fortress – travelers often go in looking for those uncooked Mexican tortillas and find nothing but Christmas Lights and the entire contents of a plant Nursery.

People often got lost inside for hours, maybe even days if they fell asleep on the ugly couches.  Each traveler is loaned an ungainly heavily laden handcart to push and pull down the aisles.  The fortress workers provided lost travelers with snacks, but only in humiliatingly small portions requiring the traveler to ask for more and more like a pathetic fool. 

In order to leave the fortress travelers were required to pay a huge fine, always upwards of $100, but usually closer to $250. 

It was a sad place.

Yesterday I met this sad place’s steroid-addled father.

Business Costco.

I never knew such a place existed, but was tantalized into making a voyage there under the auspice of preparing for the Festival of Camille in October.  There were drinks there and we needed to buy them.

If you thought the Costco Fortress was big, you have not met Business Costco.  Imagine a hotdog pack as long as a couch.  A Ranch dressing display as big as a Geo Metro.  Business Costco is a territory for giants.

I recommend you bring your own Tenzing Norgay.  Pam brought Ellie and me and we were not nearly capable of navigating this landscape.

You need some lamb?  They have whole lamb carcasses. 

You need carrots?  They have a log house made of carrots.

 

Oh, you think you need something from the freezer aisle?  I say nay nay.  They have no freezer aisle.  They have a freezer cave, complete with mountaineering supplies so you won’t die on your trek through.

Business Costco was not messing around.  If shopping is your bag, you’ve conquered the Costco Fortress and you need an Everest to climb, I recommend a voyage to Business Costco.

Maybe some day, once I have left regular Costco with exactly what I came in for and I know I have conquered that store, I will attempt to really summit Business Costco.  Until then, I’ll be over on the beginner trails: Target.