Jail Mail

We moved into our new house about three months ago.  Last week I received a letter addressed to one whom I assume is a previous tenant.  No big deal, right?  Happens all the time.

Yeah, this time was different.  The return address said C.S.P.S.Q, San Quentin.  That’s Federal Prison.

It was late at night and I was home alone when I saw this. 

Welcome to the onset of late night paranoia, not unlike that familiar poem “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe:

Once upon a midnight dreary

While I pondered weak and weary

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,

While I nodded nearly napping, suddenly . . .

THERE CAME THIS LETTER TO HAUNT ME!!

These are the facts: 

1) Someone who is an inmate of San Quentin believes that someone he knows still lives here. 

2) Someone who is an inmate of San Quentin needs to tell someone who he thinks lives here something warranting a letter.

3) Charles Manson is an inmate of San Quentin.

4) I am a sitting duck.  Quack.

My mind was reeling. 

Here are what I came up with as the possibilities of recipients of the Letter:

1)  Friend or relative.  Distant friend because he obviously didn’t know they moved.  Obviously they have lost contact.  Why?  Probably because he’s in prison.  Why would he be writing then?  Maybe to make restitution?  How will he feel if they don’t write him back?  Probably angry.  Maybe really angry.  Maybe angry enough to come to visit them. Result: I end up face to face with a felon.

2)  Girlfriend.  Pining love letter.  She doesn’t live here so she can’t write back.  That’s going to make the inmate mad.  Inmate might be mad enough to come try to find her.  Result:  I end up face to face with a felon.

3)  Compatriot.  Partner in crime.  Maybe the letter is telling his partner where he hid the money, or the body, or the drugs.  If the partner doesn’t respond, that might concern and agitate the inmate just enough for the inmate to come see his buddy at his last known residence.  Result:  I end up face to face with a felon.

Ok, so whomever lived at this house before me hung out with someone who is bad to the bone enough to land in Federal Prison.  And he wants to be in contact with the tenant. 

I am now the tenant.

What to do?

Options:

1)  Mail the letter back, stating not at this address.  Good idea.  Except if the letter was telling the recipient that he was getting out of jail this week and on his way to my house to meet his buddy.  And how will I ever know if it reaches it’s destination cellblock?  Should I include a self-addressed stamped envelope indicating receipt of letter?  Then I’d get more Jail Mail

2)  Open the letter.  That’s a felony.  Then I’d end up in jail with the inmate and he would probably shive me for opening his mail.

3)  Do nothing and let it haunt me. 

As of now I’ve gone with option 3. 

“And the [letter], never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!”

Great.  I’m cursed to be haunted by this stupid letter forevermore.

 

XOXO

Lenore.