Grown Up Rebels

“Punks make the best parents because they raise kids to think outside the box, to question everything they're told, to understand the impact of politics on their lives, and, above all, to be open-minded. The children of punks -- even if they go on to have no interest in the genre/ lifestyle whatsoever -- are unlikely to beat up another kid at school for being weird, and they are probably less likely to discriminate against others.”

“Why Punk Rockers Make Great Parents” by Rae Alexandra, SF Weekly.

It’s taken me a long time to reconcile my LDS culture with my personal culture.  My dad is a convert and ex-hippie and my mother is, well, there is really no simple phrase that would adequately describe my mom.  She’s righteous, theatrical, assertive, independent, and capable among many other things.  Both of them are great examples.  They’ve seen it all and accept all kinds.  I like to think they were both rebels as youth in California in the 1960’s. 

 

Pam and Jim in the ‘60’s.

I was raised with a lot of freedom – I could take BART into Berkeley and SF and be gone all day exploring.  Weekends were spent out and about learning a variety of cultural things.  We went to  theater, I went to court with my dad, we went on outdoor adventures.  Despite being raised in the suburbs we were exposed a lot of places, people and things.  For that I am grateful. 

As a teen I became particularly interested in street culture.  I’d go to Telegraph Ave in Berkeley and chat up the punk kids to see what they were all about.  My friends and I would go to the Haight and shop the killer vintage stores. 

On Haight with friends in 1999.  Caroline getting a tattoo that day, not me.

On the home front I was absolutely hideous.  Imagine your most contentious teenager and then triple that – that was the war waged between me and my parents. Our relationship was rocky and my life became rocky and my church attendance became rocky.  I emerged tattooed, pierced and kind of wild.

 

Visiting my friends Cat and Marie at BYU.  Me feeling a lot freaked.

The good news is they did not shove me off a bridge during that part of my life.  I officially apologize for causing you both so much trouble.  Thankfully I “grew up” around age 21 and met my first husband at the LA 1st ward.  After we were married we moved to London where I became even more enamored with street culture upon visiting Camden Lock and other haunts associated with punk originals – The Clash, Sex Pistols, etc.  You may see freaky people with mohawks and Dr. Martins who make you uncomfortable, I see people I’m used to being around.  Punks and weird looking people are often the most accepting non-judgmental people you’ll ever meet.

Berlin, Rome, Red, Purple.

When I started having kids I moved back into the suburban culture that I commonly associate with being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I began to look more “normal” in order to make friends and feel comfortable as a young mother in an affluent suburban neighborhood.  Time to look and act grown up, you know.  I made a lot of amazing friends, but I didn’t really feel like myself – like I was somehow ashamed of my moderately colorful past because I was blending into the culture.  I guess I assumed that LDS people, being traditionally culturally conservative, would not listen to what I say and take it seriously if I did not look like them.  I remember getting all ready for church and running my outfit past my then-husband.  “Too many spikes and pins.  Tone it down.”  And I’d usually agree with him.  I didn’t want to freak anybody out. 

New mom, looking as normal as I can.  Am I passing for normal??

But since I’ve had children I’ve found my “normal” self come creeping back in.  The hair.  The metal spikes on anything.  Lots of black and boots.  The music.  The don’t like me I don’t care attitude.  The liberal (even fascist or anarchist!) politics. 

And I think being a punk parent is can be a very good thing.

Churchbound.

Having my three little minions has given me the confidence to be exactly who I feel like being.  As I’ve allowed more of my “normal” self to the surface I have come to love the people around me for being true Christians.  I have one very good friend who recently moved from Utah and had been very much submerged in traditional culture (which is not bad, just different).  She once told me how glad she was to have her children know someone like me because they will learn that you don’t have to be a certain way to be a faithful member of the LDS church.  We aren’t all the same and that’s ok. 

And right now is the weird-Mormon’s moment.  Sure, we have Mitt Romney and John Hunstman  doing their thing.  But their “typical” Mormonhood might be the reason more non-traditional Mormons are bubbling to the surface.  Finally, after 30 years of membership in the church, I am finding some Mormons who can speak for me. 

 

Three things I want you to hear/see:

1)  Talk of the Nation

The second half of this podcast from NPR is an interview with Joanna Brooks.  Ms. Brooks is a Professor at San Diego State and her writing about Mormonism has appeared in the NY Times.  She’s politically liberal and has a voice largely unheard in the LDS community. 

2)  The video below really resonated with me.  Having children turned my heart to what is really important.  PS, HAVE I MENTIONED I WANT TO DO ONE OF THESE?!  Who makes these videos??  I LOVE this ad campaign.

 

3)  'The Other F Word

A new documentary explores punks who have children and become families.  The other F word is “Fatherhood.”  The above trailer is for a new documentary about Grown-up punk rockers and their families.  It talks about how to raise children when you yourself were a rebellious child.