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Dear Victoria, Et Al,
We feel betrayed.
The year was 1996 and we were your biggest 'Wannabes'. If you remember correctly, your following was smaller in the U.S. than you apparently think. You had ONE hit song. ONE song, wildly known to be severely annoying. This was no deterrent for real fans like us. Few of us saw your lame attempt at a movie. Few people bought your second album soundtrack featuring such blips on the radio waves as "2 Become 1" and "Spice Up Your Life."
Spice Girls, I know every lyric to every song.
Herein lies my beef: how could you turn on your original American fan base by charging so much for tickets? Sure, I'm ten year's older, but my taste in music has not improved and I feel slighted because you never even sent me a ticket! Who goes to your shows? Teenagers? Gay men? People with expendable income?
Emma, Mel B., Geri, Victoria, you are all mothers. Do you not understand that most of your fans would come and see you if they weren't spending money on diapers and formula? I assume you are out of touch with reality because of your access to nannies, but you must consider the masses. We made you famous. You owe us.
I've included two photographs circa the release of the first album and then Spiceworld, The Movie in 1998.
Here are Val Greebaum as Scary, Camille as Baby (typical) me as Posh and, yes, that's Phil as Sporty.
P.S, I am still that skinny.
We feel betrayed.
The year was 1996 and we were your biggest 'Wannabes'. If you remember correctly, your following was smaller in the U.S. than you apparently think. You had ONE hit song. ONE song, wildly known to be severely annoying. This was no deterrent for real fans like us. Few of us saw your lame attempt at a movie. Few people bought your second album soundtrack featuring such blips on the radio waves as "2 Become 1" and "Spice Up Your Life."
Spice Girls, I know every lyric to every song.
Herein lies my beef: how could you turn on your original American fan base by charging so much for tickets? Sure, I'm ten year's older, but my taste in music has not improved and I feel slighted because you never even sent me a ticket! Who goes to your shows? Teenagers? Gay men? People with expendable income?
Emma, Mel B., Geri, Victoria, you are all mothers. Do you not understand that most of your fans would come and see you if they weren't spending money on diapers and formula? I assume you are out of touch with reality because of your access to nannies, but you must consider the masses. We made you famous. You owe us.
I've included two photographs circa the release of the first album and then Spiceworld, The Movie in 1998.
Here are Val Greebaum as Scary, Camille as Baby (typical) me as Posh and, yes, that's Phil as Sporty.
P.S, I am still that skinny.
And lastly, here are the former offenders including Cathryn Gustafson. Apparently Phil learned his lesson.
Despite the fact that we are not coming to your concert, I want you to know I'm following your "careers" closely. If you ever need a hand looking after for Brooklyn, Cruz, Romeo, Beau, Bluebell, or Angel Iris let me know. Furthermore, if you have any extra tickets, send them my way.
Viva Forever,
Nortorious
19 comments:
Wow. Great legs. That is YOU in the pink, right? How old are you? I'm thinking that you're younger than me. I picture myself youthful like in high school and then I think people are my age and they're younger and it's starting to piss me off.
So, I TIVOed the Victoria's Secret fashion show JUST to watch the Spice girls, and they didn't even sing Wannabe! Furthermore, Posh looked embarrassed to be there, which was a raging disappointment for me.
Holly, I think she's 26 or 27. Not sure.
Nori those are GREAT pics. You still totally look like that.
What's up with those names?
Boy, the Spice Girls let us all down. Typical.
That is so Major.
or should I say May-Jah "Posh-like"?
You totally deserve a comped set of front row tix for that post. I don't know another soul that would 1.Admit to being such a Spice Fan and 2.Post the pics to prove it. I'm forwarding a link to their fan club for you. (do they still have one of those?)
My kids make fun of me every time we watch Chicken Little and that song comes on and I sing along.
How much do the tickets cost? More or less than a payment on the BMW? I think you should go.
Val was already taller than you. She could have been a model.
Who is the unmighty? His daughter wears slutty boots and she looks to be about three. Friend of yours or friend in the making? Sounds like a match. Mimi better keep the slutty boots away from my princess.
I feel as though the effort put into this post warrants more than 10 comments, not to mention the scary pictures with blackmail material contained therein. I'm not posting until I get 20 comments on this hilarious post.
Bah. I already commented, but I suppose I can do it again.
Yes, we're coming to California, but it's the day after Paige leaves, so she doesn't want a party for HAL anymore. Boo. However, I think you should find a time when all Greenbaums will be at the Mother Hen's house, and HAL and I can come and be showered with love and affection. Will VAL be there? Their names rhyme. They should be friends. Oh, and Anne..Pammy....no. Doesn't really work now, does it.
I actually came back to read more funny comments on this post because it was the best I saw yesterday. So I will add another to help with your numbers. I really visited the Spice Girls fan club hoping to find a "mail" link so I could forward your post to them but they didn't have one. They are sooo not about their fans.
Love your tribute to the Spice Girls. I think you deserve to go to the concert, you are their biggest fan right? Just go.
yay best post so far
I still have (and ride) Cam's "Spicegirls" bike. I think I need a new one for Chirstmas.
No we don't know eachother. I don't know if we even know some of the same people... except the Spice Girls of course.
Wait, you accused Jessica of having the clap? I missed that. You are hereby forbidden from commenting on her blog.
Yea for 20 Comments! Sorry I've been absent as of late, you woulda had you numbers sooner! I really hope Santa brings a laptop. Anyway this girl at the checkout at Old Navy was trying to name all the spice girls and couldn't. So glad I was available to help. She must have been about 19. Does the younger generation not know the spice girls? Sad world. But you can name all the KIDS Nor, that's amazing. Cheers to a true fan!
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