Chichi Sheesh

Saturday night Dx took me out to the Michael Mina restaurant in San Francisco. Ever heard of it? Me neither. It's located at the Westin St. Francis in Union Square.

Dx and I aren't foodies, but we like really good gourmet food sometimes. So we gave this joint a whirl because all of our other choices were having private work parties.

When you get there, the waiter has to introduce you to the "Portfolio" otherwise known as a menu. I was already in a fit of giggles. You can either do the prix fix with first, seconds and dessert or a taster thing with 6 courses. Ordering from appetizer and then main course? I think NOT.

You do get to choose from 5 things in each course. But it's not just five ordinary dishes, oh no. This is more like that Chef show were they choose one particularly vomitous ingredient and then prepare it 3 different ways. I had the rabbit three ways (not a vomitous ingredient) and Dx had the jackfish (never heard of it. It's really just tuna.)

The dishes come in threes. You're pretty much guaranteed that you will like one, and perhaps two "preparations" but the third is probably disgusting. I'm plugging through my rabbit and all of the weird ways to serve it "Rabbit stuffed with stuff" was pretty good. "Rabbit in a crazy little pot" was really good. "Rabbit some other way was a little weird."

The main course comes out the exact same way as the first. Do not say to the waiter "Where's the beef?" because they don't think that joke is funny.

Number two course was Duck three weird ways. "Orangy duck" was delish. "Middle section ducky" was pretty good. There I was eating along and BAM. The worst foie gras that had ever passed my lips. (Yah, I'm spoiled.) Ever had foie gras? Yes, it's duck liver. It's delicious and buttery cold on bread, but this was seared warm gelatinous foie gras. In it went and out it nearly came. I panicked.

"Dx, I'm going to barf this up."

Thankfully, there were some REAL foodies sitting next to us. These people were by far the highlight of the evening. A) They took pictures of every course. B) They watched us eat. C) They were unidentifyably foreign. D) Every sip of wine was the subject of debate with the waiter. That poor waiter. At one point I heard the guy sneer "The fruit aroma in the 1993 is sinking to the bottom." He needed a swift punch in the business. One more comment and I would have slammed his wine glasses into his face.

Dx recommended that I vomit on them.

I muscled through. Dx had pork three ways and he wolfed it. Of course, as a true Greenbaum wife, I offered him tastes of everything INCLUDING trying to slip in the hideous pus-like foie gras. He's much to smart to fall for that. I had to get him to try it on the basis of future reference, so when I recounted it's gag-inducing qualities, he would know what I was talking about.

For dessert, chocolate three different ways. How can they screw up chocolate? The first was a smores cake thing that was green because it was somehow made from basil. Weird, but delish. Then some kind of ice cream with a side of paste. Last, the smallest piece of chocolate cake you ever did see. Sees candy small. It was an insult, but I managed to eat it nonetheless because it was divine.

The night was memorable and hilarious. We're counting it as our anniversary (which is really Dec. 30/31).

You should try gourmet food. Some is yummy and some is great for a good laugh.