The Symptoms

Once upon a time I had easy breezy pregnancies.  Three kids in three years was no sweat.  I don't know if it's my advanced maternal age (ha.), the altitude, the different father, or some other mysterious reason but my body is talking back during this pregnancy.  It has opinions and they are scornful.
Let me start out by saying I have a high tolerance for physical irritation.  Like most mothers, when I feel sick I medicate and march on.  It takes a lot to lay me out.  But each trimester (so far) has come with a new set of unfamiliar problems.
Having a pregnant body is like the city of Chernobyl.  Everything was going along fine until nature took over and made me its subject.

First Trimester Aggravations
1.  The barfs.  Barf central 24/7.
2.  The starves.  Couldn't decide if I was hungry or needed to barf, but usually it was both.
3.  The smells.  I finally went out and bought face masks like they wear in Asia.  And a slew of candles.
4.  The sleeps.  Cannot keep my eyes open.  Have frequently taken more than one nap a day.
5.  Migraines from hell.  My migraines are super rad.  They last at least three days and are essentially debilitating requiring me to hide in a dark quiet room while it feels like a gnome is mining for gold on one side of my head.  The migraine medicine exacerbates my barfing and isn't good for pregnancy.  The barfing migraines give me digestive problems.  Every issue I have builds on other issues until the best I can do is lay around and moan.  Any one or two of these issues would be bearable, but all five at once made me nonfunctional.  And when you have the barfs and the smells you end up with the messy house and the overwhelms.

Second Trimester Frustrations
Once the barfs tapered off (though not completely, I still barf a few times a week) my body was like, "Hey let's try some new pain!"
1. Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction.  I didn't even know this existed until I caught it.  And by caught it I mean hit the second trimester with my fourth baby. The symphysis pubis is a stiff joint that connects the two halves of your pelvis and in 1/35 the ligaments can overreact and cause serious pain.  I'm only about 21 weeks and not that great with child but my body Chernobyl'd and now I can't move my legs independently to a. Put on pants. b. Climb into or turn over in bed or c. do anything that involves moving one leg away from the other without a ferocious pain in my pelvis.  It feels like David Beckham kicked me in the crotch hard enough to bruise me and then kicked the bruise a few times for good measure.  Tylenol provides no relief.  If you see me out of my bed at all know that I am dealing with level 7 pain.  Anybody got any tips?  I'm only five months in, if this gets worse I'm going to be in a wheelchair by the end.

2.  Sciatic nerve pain.  Yippee.  This one is when a nerve on your back is slightly pinched and pain shoots up and down your body until you limp.  For this I try sleeping on a tennis ball and by morning it's usually ok.  During the day it builds until I find myself practically (ok, sometimes literally) crawling.

I seriously do not understand why my body is rebelling in this way but I simply will not capitulate to it's tyranny.  I remind it every day that it's gotta pull itself together because this is NOT going to be my last pregnancy.  I will function, pain or no pain, and it's all worth it because

IT'S A GIRL.

and more than that, it's my sweet Hush's girl.

Bring the Children

On the front of the Oakland LDS Temple there is a massive bronze plaque bearing scripture from the Book of Mormon about children.  This always struck me as an unusual choice for this building -- children are not regular temple attendees.  Directly in front of the plaque there are a few statutes of children and a dog.

Whenever we are at the temple walking around the grounds to look out at the view of San Francisco, my children cannot resist spending considerable time climbing on those statues.  This gave me ample time to think about that particular scripture which basically says that Jesus gathers the little children around him and that He weeps for the wickedness of the world they will doubtless encounter.  Then He prays for them in a prayer that I would very much have liked to hear.  

There are so many conflicts for me within the LDS church.  My skin bristles when I hear the limits the religion puts forth about families, among other frustrating inexplicable standards and controlled information.  There is much that I believe, there is much that I doubt.  

But that scripture aligns with my belief: that children are precious to Christ and that he knows what they need and that He will give them what they need.

It's hard to believe that prayers I said years ago for them in that Temple hung, suspended in time until they could be bestowed on our family.  God knew what they needed and no amount of obstacles was going to stop them from getting the gifts He believes they need.  All of the hard was pushing us here.

Last Sunday they needed a dad who was willing to sit through three hours of church on a beautiful Spring day perhaps for the sole purpose of providing a shoulder for these little children to lean on.  

Sunday after Sunday, month after month.  

And this is the family that prayers made:

“In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.”– Margaret Atwood

At LAST the freezing winter weather seems to be gone for the season.  And as a reward for making it through, these pear trees burst into pink bloom just for me.  Our house is all Easter’d out and there’s pastel color everywhere! 

For Spring Break the minions went to see Houdini in SF for a few days.  The day before they were supposed to fly out there with him he tried to cancel the whole thing, blaming some client.  But our amazing nanny came to our rescue and flew with the kids to Oakland and then turned around and got right back on the next flight to SLC.  She deserves a medal of honor.  I’m so grateful.

Rachel is one of the best kid helpers I’ve ever had.  When I took this 4 days a week right during dinner time teaching job I had Hush there to pick up the slack, but his schedule changed a few weeks in and now we both come home at 7.  Rachel swoops in at 1:30 T/TH and 4:30 M/W and plays with the kids, helps with homework, executes the meals I’ve set up, takes kids to lessons AND cleans our house!!  Coming home to dinner put away is a beautiful thing.  Our family adores Rachel and we will miss her terribly when the semester is over and I retire.  But if one of you need a second one of yourself (that’s how capable she is – it’s like having another me around who isn’t tired and pregnant) I can hook you up with a wonderful nanny.  We would not have been able to function this season without her.

This is what I did while the kids were gone for four days.  Worked.  Our spring breaks didn’t line up at all.  Boo.

Cubby has started playing in an indoor soccer league.  I am floored by his ability.  I’ve never been on a team in my life and I haven’t taught the kid the rules of soccer, but his first time on the field Jude took to the sport like it was his calling.  He is on top of the ball the whole time and startlingly aggressive.  I’m of the picking daisies and doing kart-wheels temperament, but Jude is intense.  The other day he face palmed a kid to the ground while chasing the ball.  The kid screamed, “You can’t do that in soccer” and Jude said, “I just did.”  He scored 3 out of 4 goals in the last game.  Where did this kid come from?  Whose child is this?

As a reward we let Jude pick the restaurant.  He LOVES “feast places” which is his term for buffet.  Man, that is a cultural experience in Utah if there ever was one.  The clientele at the Golden Corral are something to behold.  Silas does his part to make a complete slob of himself to blend in.

I have bed pride.  Since I plan to retire to my bed in two weeks to recover from reading essays I needed my bed to be spectacular and perfect for me and my hippie husband.  I call the theme Sparkle Hippie.

And here is my masterpiece getting thrashed in the daily kid wrestle event.

Want to know who else I love?  Anna Ruth.  I am so blessed to have a smart, funny cousin who lives just south of us and who has a ton of energy and likes thrift shops and fun.  We went together on my annual trip to the zoo the other day and it was blissful because our kids could all walk and we could hang out. 

 

Mimi and I went on a Girl’s Weekend to CA to see Pam’s fantastic DCMT show “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum” starring Paige’s and Celia’s talented kids.  It was a very enjoyable albeit barfy trip. 

Speaking of barfy, I had to get my blood drawn the other day for pregnancy testing.  Jude and Silas came with me.  As soon as the needle went near my hand Jude turned white and started barfing.  I had no idea he would react that way, he just freaked out and nearly fainted! 

Here’s Jude with his lady friend Finley.  They have play dates.

And for your enjoyment, a picture of Hush wearing a crazy outfit doing a wheelie on a little pink bike.

“I Don’t Have Time for Your Silly Problems”

We have a four year old weasel living in our home.

You break the dishwasher, you wash the dishes.

Mimi has started referring to Silas as “The Little King” because he acts like a little tyrant around the house.  What’s funny is that Silas is exactly like Mimi, it’s like raising the same child twice but in different sexes.  He’s sneaky and bossy, but he’s also occasionally affectionate and usually charming.  My mother used to say that I was “making Mimi that way” because I would snicker when she was misbehaving creatively and now I find myself indulging Silas’ sneaky ways.

Silas has an opinion.

This child demands corndogs for breakfast, but I can negotiate him down to a bagel with cream cheese (also not really breakfast food).  He sees Mimi getting a capri sun in her lunch so he cajoles until I sneak him one when the other kids aren’t looking and he hides to drink it. 

Then, of course, he brags and I receive the wrath of Mimi, “We can’t have Capri Suns at home, how come the Little King gets one?” 

To which Silas replies,  “No, I got two. This is my second one.” 

Such a little turd.

The “I’m a little turd” face.

Before the reign of the Little King, Silas earned the nickname “And Me”.  Everything the other kids did he would shout “And me!  And me!”  He demands respect as an equal, to them at least.

When I nap in the morning Silas carefully tucks me in and closes the door.  Then I hear rumbling in the pantry and the TV switched on.  He’s only allowed to watch Leapfrog so that he can learn his letters.  When I ask him about letters later the only one he knows is S.  “Like SSSSSssss Silas.”

A few weeks ago I called Si upstairs because we had to leave.  His shout from downstairs?  “I don’t have time for your silly problems.”

Si’s face is preternaturally messy, though always wearing a mischievous grin because the mess is invariably from some contraband food item.  He freaks out when I cut his nails because he uses them as weapons to scratch Mimi and Jude. 

One of my favorite features of Silas is that he doesn’t give a crap.  Girl socks?  He’ll wear ‘em, no problem.  Food?  He’ll gobble it down.  Outside play time?  Sure.  Bedtime?  No protest.

But some of the most unexpected activities trigger Si’s rebelliousness.  He resigned from neighborhood preschool for no reason whatsoever.  He would throw the most epic tantrums out on the sidewalk and I didn’t have Ms. Carol or Ms. Jackie to grab him kicking and screaming as I ran away.  Last week I dragged him into primary by his arms.  He can sure bring the noise and ferocious gnashing of teeth like a little honeybadger.

One time Silas ran away.  It was the worst 20 minutes of my life.  Hush was at home and I shouted that I was leaving Si so I could go pick up Jude at school.  This was a normal regular occurrence.  When I got back Silas had disappeared.  We looked everywhere in the house and couldn’t find him.  I had to call the police.  Finally I called up to the school where I’d just been picking up Jude, thinking maybe he had climbed in the back of the car without me noticing or something.  They said a little boy had just walked in and Hush raced to go pick him up.  He had crossed four lanes of traffic by himself and walked about 1/2 mile by himself.  I can hardly talk about it it was so unbelievably terrifying.  He knows now not to leave without me, “I not leave, Mama.”

Si is particularly excited about the new baby and enjoys watching Baby Center videos of animated babies in wombs.  He talks to the baby whom he calls “Tulip” if she’s a girl and “Chocolate” if he’s a boy.  Hopefully becoming a big brother at the ripe old age of four will help Silas learn his place in the world.

CHEWBACCA CONTEST!!

Every person who calls in and reports back to me will receive a small prize from me.  $100 to the winner!!

In case you’ve forgotten what Chewie Sounds like:

Tutorial for making your best Chewbacca sound: