Not By Any Other Name

Shakespeare wrote, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

I disagree.

Sorry Shakespeare, you're wrong and names make a huge difference.  You think Juliet would have been all hot to trot about Romeo had his name been Horace?  Or Gilbert? 

Before you read on, steel yourself.  I am very opinionated on naming and my thoughts may insult your choices.  For this I apologize in advance and even though we don't see eye to eye on names I'm sure you're still a wonderful person.  These are the views of an obsessed woman.

As you may remember from four years ago when I was knee deep in baby names, I am obsessed with baby names.  I loves names. I love the naming process, I love the cycles that names go through, I love the weird names, I love classic names, I love middle names, I love nicknames.  Whether I'm naming a baby or not I always know what the top 5-10 baby names are that year.  I like guessing people's ages by their names.  I like cross referencing names with location of birth and thinking about how trends travel outward from metropolitan areas.  I couldn't care less what celebrity babies look like, but I wait with baited breath until their names are released.  I keep a rotating baby name list on my phone at all times.

Naming a baby is a bigger decision to me than having a baby because while the baby can develop her own personality, their given name is moreorless permanent and must satisfy them throughout their lives.  It has to be cute as a kid and command respect in the workplace.  It must make them feel like an individual and it must not make them feel like a freak.  It must suit an old lady and a hot twenty something looking to land a hot partner.  It must be easily phonetic to spell and sound normal at both the playground and a wedding.  A name has a huge job.

What blows my mind is when expectant parents look no further than the top 20 names in America.  You have an amazing opportunity here, why add another Emma to the world?  Every single time the parents have some exceptional reason for picking that name (I've liked it since I was a child, I didn't know it was popular) but to me it's a letdown.  

Here's the Social Security list from 2013:

Sophia, Emma, Olivia, Isabella, Ava, Mia, Emily, Abigail, Madison, Elizabeth.  What Pam and Linda were to the late 1940's and Jennifer and Jessica were to the 1980's, so are these ten names to this decade.  Nevermind the boys names this time, they're just too predictable.  In other words, I hope you enjoy having your unique little Sophia called Sophia B number 3.

And to prove my point, here is Mimi's ballet performance program, all repetitive names underlined and tallied. 

My kids are named Mimi, Jude and Silas.  I'll explain their names later.

These are the guidelines I follow when I'm naming kids:

1. Letters
 First I consider the other starting letters in my family: L, D, J, M, S.  It's unlikely that I will choose a name with the same letter as another immediate family member.

2.  Grouping trends
After that I think about name grouping trends.  For example, no two syllable boy names that end in N (Jayden, Caden, Hayden) , no variations on "ella" (Isabella, Elle, Bella, Ellison), and obviously absolutely no names (nor any derivatives) that are on Social Security's top ten lists from the last five years.

3. Ambivalence  

No names that are ambivalent, for example Elizabeth.  There are about 20 different nicknames for Elizabeth, so really you're just putting off naming your child for a few years and you're basically saying, "I give up, choose your own name."  Eliza, Beth, Betsy, Liza, Liz, Ella, whatever. 

4.  Letterhead

Name must be acceptable for professional letterhead.  It's good this one is in there or I'd probably name my girls Honey or something.  

5.  Gravitas
Which leads me to No stripper names.  Names have to command respect, they have to have some amount of gravitas.  Too bad because stripper names are cute and my seven year old loves them. If she had her druthers this baby would be named Sapphire.  

6.  Nicknames

Expect to use the implied nickname.  When I name kids I tend to give them two options: real name and nickname intended for childhood use.  Ellie's new baby, Abraham will be called Abe.  

7.  Harmony
Name must make sense with other children's names.  You can't go Alice,  Henry and Zephyr. 

Avoid repeated cadence. No Jordan, Kailyn, Brandon.

8.  End Sounds

Differentiate last syllables.  I won't use another boy's name that ends in S.

9.  Origin
No stealing from other ethnic name troves (unless you have genetic inheritance).  Asians pretty much own Lillian and Vivian, Jasmine is middle eastern, Ashley and Steven are Caucasian.  I don't make the rules, I just observe them.

10.  Patience
Don't name your kid before it comes out, have at least three options.  I was going to name Mimi Simone but she wasn't a Simone.

11. Associations
No innappropriate associations.  Delilah and Salome are out.  Know the other people associated with that name.  Google it!  I'd like to lift the ban on Disney names.  I wish I could name a kid Ariel.

12.  Cooperate

Heed your spouse's opinions.  If they hate your choices they probably have a reason, which they must provide and then offer alternatives.  Give and take.  

13. Listen
Babies pick their own names.  Hold that baby in your arms and test out the names you like.  It will tell you what name is right.  What amazes me is that in the hospital with my newborns some good names get completely forgotten because they just don't suit the kid.  Welcome those late name suggestions.  Jude wasn't even on our list, but there he was, being all Jude.  

14. Discuss

Listen to your family.  When you're pregnant and especially when you're newly delivered, your judgment is not 100% sound.  Bounce names off your family, provided they know you may not use their suggestions.  Naming is somewhat of a committee decision.  Do not listen nor solicit nurse's opinions.  The decision has no bearing for them.

15.  Go big
Be fearless but restrain yourself.  I feel like I deserve a badge of honor for this one.  Knowing what you know about me, couldn't you imagine that I might name a kid Tulip or Rocknroll or Romeo?  Nope, monikers are too important.

So where does one start, now that all the embargoes are established?

When I'm naming a kid I start with what's in my wheelhouse: The Bible, Shakespeare and English Literature.  Those are my safety zones.  Then I venture outward to the rest of the arts.  Next I survey the primary and especially nursery lists.  I also check school class lists.  Imagine if you came up with a fairly unique name like Vera only to find there's already a Vera at your church?  Family names are good. My best choices were names that have associated songs (Hey Jude, The Sound of Silas), I'd like to repeat that association.  I'd like her to be the only kid in her class with that name, but never have to spell it nor explain it.  My husband favors compound names, I'm onboard with that.  Some names I love have no good nicknames (Ophelia, Desdemona).  I like word names, especially virtue names and nature names.  I'd like to use a name that I have never heard used for another person. I'd never met a Mimi, Jude nor Silas when I named them and I've never met another Lenore.  

Mimi's name is Miranda Giselle, named for Shakespeare's Tempest and her aunt Giselle who was named after the ballet.  I love her name, but I neglected to check TV lists and it kinda bugs me that Miranda was a character on Sex in the City.  I love the repeated syllable and French sound of Mimi.  We haven't run into another Mimi.

Jude's name was suggested by a friend when he was born.  I love everything about this name, from the biblical association to the song and the book Jude the Obscure. I like that it sounds strong but has no hard fricatives.

Silas was also suggested in the hospital by my sister.  He was very quiet when he was born and I loved how peaceful Silas sounds. Also a bible name (companion of Paul) and from the book Silas Marner.  Am slightly worried this name will become popular due to the old guy on Duck Dynasty.

I tell people I was named after the Raven by Edgar Allen Poe, but my parents were reminded of the name by their babysitter who was named Lenore, but went by Suzy. Weird.

Now for some honorable mentions, though there are occasional oversights of my rules that they didn't know nor care existed.

All of my sisters are great namers.  These are the cousins: Maxwell, Claire, Solomon, Fiona, Charlotte, Henry, Griffin, Beatrice, Theodore, Penelope, Alice, Piper, Sylvie, Otto and Abe.  

My new sister in law did a good job with consistency and coherence: Lindsay, Kaitlyn, Megan and Madison.

Friends who are good namers and deserve mention have these children:

Asher, Naomi and Eleanor

Harrison, Henry and Eden

Hudson, Regan, Gray

Harper, Norah and Clover

Claire, Jonah, Sam, Miles

Lots of others I can't think of right now.

So now you know what I'm looking at for names and I welcome all suggestions.  There are so many wonderful names to choose from and I'm so lucky that we get to have a baby to name.  

I think I'll name her Bob.