Once upon a time in Babyland

We made it to the end of the pregnancy a bit faster than usual. At our 36 week appointment my body was starting to object and showing signs by making my pulse race and my blood pressure skyrocket intermittently.  Pulse is suppose to be around 100 for pregnant women, mine was up to 142 and never below 108. I don't know what my blood pressure was because I don't understand what those numbers mean. And I was dilated to 3. So all of those contractions I'd been having for the last month were actually making progress, which is amusing because that means I've been in labor for about a month. How is that fair?

 But at least by baby five I knew what to expect and had zero dry runs for the hospital. On Jan 4 they sent me in for monitoring and the babe seemed to be doing fine despite my blood pressure so we just watched it for a week.

By week 37, Jan 11, they were still worried about my heart and sent me in again for an echocardiogram to make sure there wasn't some underlying problem that would cause a heart attack mid birth.  Finding no cause for the issue in my heart they decided it would be best to induce me the following day.

I went in at dawn by myself and Danny got the kids off to school and Lou to my sister wife Lacy's.  At the hospital they dinked around for a few hours, as they are wont to do, and finally started pitocin at about ten, Danny showed up around then. Of course since I have so many people that meant touch and go planning all day. My support people had to plan their lives and outsource their children, my kid watchers had to plan their days. It's no easy thing to jump to the aid of a laboring friend on any random day for hours at a time and I'm very grateful to all of them.

Anna arrived with magazines, treats and drinks and was the in-labor entertainment with Fae and Danny.  They read aloud cattily from People magazine and did my hair and complained about the epidural guy with me.

They broke my water at about 12:30, gave me their hack brand of stadol that lasted barely an hour and then gave me an epidural.

Oh, the epidural guy. When you get an epidural they have to warn you about the risks and have you sign something. This guy went far beyond that. The epidural is one of the scariest parts of birth because who can stand the prospect of a shot going into your spinal cord? And you have to sit in an awful position while you're in pain while not moving at all.  It's misery, but worth it for the pain relief.  So this epidural guy wanted to talk through the whole thing and tell me 16 different ways each thing could kill me and exactly how much it would hurt and why it feels like you're getting electrocuted and do I want to see the gadgets? I could have killed him. Twice, twice! I told him just do it I don't want to hear about the science. But he wouldn't stop blathering. Anna was cackling horrified in the background, Danny was facing me trying to settle me down so I didn't turn around and hit the guy in the face. 

After the pain meds kicked in I started fainting, which is typical for me during birth. They put meds in my iv to revive me but they kept wearing off and I'd start to black out painfully. It was a very overwhelming feeling like being crushed and smothered. The meds eventually stabilized me and I could lift my head long enough to get my braids done.  

Fae took off to get the kids from school and Rebekah showed up sometime in there. Anna, Danny and Rebekah then started a new name list and made me very angry by putting absurd names like Moredcai and Rueben.

 I couldn't object because I was faint and then the doctor came in to check me. Of course I was complete. That list became the "transition names" list and I hated it.

Fae arrived with my three big kids and they came in and chatted with me for a few minutes. I was really happy they were able to see me all hooked up and ready to push baby out. They were concerned but enthusiastic and excited.  Fae ushered them outside to wait.

We swung our arms for a while waiting for the doctor.  The resident was there and was amusing when I asked him if I could start pushing. He didn't want to advise at all. My Camille nurse (Caitlin) said she'd caught babies before if I needed to.

Dr Jackie showed up and the real party began. Rebekah took photos, Anna had one leg, Danny had the other. It seemed like a long time between contractions so Danny put on a good Beatles playlist.  I got the giggles and could not stop laughing because that's one of my stress responses. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard, I must have sounded like a crazy person. 

Though this was my fifth baby and it was 37 weeks gestation I thought it was rather slow and difficult in arriving.  I had to actually try to push that sucker out. People were counting and being encouraging but after like 8 contractions (20 mins of pushing, in reality) I was frustrated. Two more and the baby was out! I can't believe people have to push for hours some times, must be very hard.  Danny announced the sex: a boy!  I've never seen anyone more shocked. He burst into tears, which apparently is his reaction to my having his babies. He couldn't believe he was a dad of a boy.

Baby came out hollering and didn't need to be suctioned so he just did skin to skin for as long as possible. When the doctor was finished with me the children were brought in and I had them come peek at the baby to find out what it was for themselves.  

Silas said "She has a penis!" and Mimi said, "great, now we're outnumbered."  Jude was a little freaked out by the whole thing. 

At some point they weighed him in at 7.8 and 20inches.  He was born at 4:18 pm and latched right on at his first nursing attempt.

Eventually people returned to their real lives: Anna picked up Betty Lou for the night from Lacy and dropped off MJS for the first night.  Danny collected them all the following afternoon and had all four alone for the night.  I basked in the hospital with my tiny perfect sweet boy and fretted over the next hurdle: naming.

Emotionally Preparing

 We're in the final weeks of this pregnancy so I needed to review the events of my last birth.  I don't think I ever published these shots of Betty Lou's birth.  Photos taken by the extraordinary Jessica Peterson.

This is my favorite picture of Hush ever taken.  This expression was the moment it became real to him that he is a father.

That's not a pain face.  I have pain free child births, mostly.  That's a wow, this is such an intense sensation/experience face.

First family meeting of new baby.

Lou was a mess and needed to be suctioned and fixed up.  It was scary but not that bad.

Betty Lou and her first teddy bear.

I can't take my eyes off these pictures of Jude.

Our Christmas Card 2014.  M7, J6, S4

Mimi finally got her sister.  Lou is HER baby.

Perfect size.  Born at 39 weeks.

My dear Doctor Jackie.

Family Pictures Nov. 2015

I try to get my kids photographed as a group every six months.  This time we did it in Dville because I found an excellent child prodigy to take the pics.  Family pictures can be nightmarish but this was a pretty chill session.  We had such a good experience I talked the rest of my family into taking advantage of this kid's talent to finally get a whole family picture.  I think the last one we all took together was at Jay's funeral in 2013.  These pictures never feel complete without Nate but his skateboard avatar is always included.  Thanks Val for bringing it.

My siblings, teasing me bc they know how I do not like to be touched.  Cam, Phil, Val, Paige, Celia, Ellie.

All of us.  Literally, every single family member in one place. 33 + Nate sk8 + Piper the dog.  

Betty Lou, 14 months

Mimi, 8

Jude, 7

Silas, 5

All five kids represented.  Tiger Uppercut 8 months in utero.

Whole family, Nov. 2015

35 Weeks Pregnant with Schrodinger's Cat

When you're 34 and pregnant with your fifth kid you get to document it however you want.  I'm pretty proud of what this body has accomplished and I've never bothered to take maternity photos because who cares what I look like, I only care what the baby looks like.  But this time I hit my friend Jessica up to snap a few shots because I want to contrast what I feel (gigantic, in skeletal pain) with what pregnant actually looks like on me.  I carry about the same for girls and boys, as far as I can tell.  I think girls make me a little more thick in the upper body in the third trimester, just generally more swollen.  

28 weeks - beginning of 8 months pregnant with Tiger Uppercut

Of course I never got down to my "normal" weight between these two babies.  One reason is because I miscarried between the two (around February) and the other reason is BL didn't become a good sleeper until she hit about 1.  Sleep is key for me to regulate the rest of my body functions.  

May rolled around and we got this fun little welcome surprise:

The day we discovered Baby 5.  BL was 8 months.

Later on that day when Hush started to actually process what was comin down the pike.

It's Gone By So Fast!
No it hasn't.  All pregnancies take forever.  But that's kind of what I like about them.  I like having a nine (ten) month project and the pace of an imminent arrival of something wonderful.  It's like inventing your own personal Christmas and looking forward to it for nine (ten) months.
I've taken to thinking about this baby as Schrodinger's Cat, though slightly less morbid.  As far as the sex of the kid is involved I have both right now because either option exists.  So I wake up one day and think about my coming son and then the next day I'm obsessing over girl names.  It's really fun.  I get nine (ten) months to picture what my family will be like with three daughters or three sons. And then at the end I actually get a baby!  Babies are delightsome.

But that's not all I like about pregnancy.  I like the eating.  I like feeling like I'm being productive no matter what I'm doing.  I like being the second party in control of my body because the baby is in charge and my body does what it needs to do to make that little person.  I like the appointments because I feel like I am rewarded for growing bigger and responsibly taking good care of my body.  I love the ultrasounds because it feels like spying.  I love how excited the children are because they know what it's like to have a tiny baby.  I loving knowing generally what to expect of the physical changes because I've done this four times before.  I like being prepared for the inevitable pre-term labor that always drives me crazy but never results in a baby.
I guess you could say that I feel like I'm pretty good at this.  It's become my thing.  I've been pregnant for a total of 192 weeks of my life, 3.7 years.  That's rad!
But having babies in my thirties is slightly different than having them in my twenties.  Or maybe it's the different husbands or the location that cause the variance.  For babies 1, 2, 3 I had the easiest pregnancies known to man.  I hardly felt nauseated and I had a ton of energy the whole time.  I had such good pregnancies I looked into becoming a surrogate.  They aren't paid well enough.  But I would have done it for my family had the need arose.

7 Months pregnant with Jude.  Hair looks brown.  It's dark purple.

Mimi at Betty Lou's current age, about 14 months.  Me 8 months preg with Jude.

Babies 4 and 5 have been more typical as far as pregnancies are concerned.  I am super barfy in the first 16 weeks and I crave vinegar.  I also have never been so tired in my life as I was in the first trimester of this pregnancy.  I couldn't keep my eyes open!  Then right as that part finishes my skeleton starts to object and I get a super fun inflamed angry joint condition called PSD which makes it nearly impossible to lift one leg at a time and roll over in bed.  It's so painful I have had to crawl up the stairs and finally get a Physical Therapist.  My theory is that my relaxin doesn't kick in fast enough.  I think that's the hormone that makes pregnant people all loose and unstable.  So for a good 10 weeks I really suffered and finally had to hire a nanny to force myself to not chase babies and do chores all afternoon.  Being down (essentially on bedrest) is my idea of a nightmare.  You sit there and watch miserably as people destroy your home and make their own food.  I can't do it.  I have to get up and help.  Thankfully I have three very helpful big kids who are obedient and sympathetic.  But still, it's not a great situation so the nanny was imperative.

I finally designed and ordered this shirt.  Cuts down significantly on questions at the store.

Now I can move again, which means I am a task wizard and I tend to overdo it.  Keeping my house together relieves stress for me, especially when my little baby whirlwind is unloading laundry baskets as I load them and preventing me from loading the dishwasher by licking all of the dirty dishes while I gag.  I don't know if you know this but it takes a considerable amount of work keeping a household of 6 functioning.  Take, for example, the seasons shifting.  I had to sort through every item of clothing for four little people whose sizes have changed since the last winter and whose sizes I need to anticipate for the following summer.  Plus my entire wardrobe needs rearranging depending on what fits per each stage of pregnancy, a pregnancy which is opposite in seasons from my previous summer pregnancy.  I am literally up to my armpits in bins.  Thankfully I don't have to buy anything because I have everything handed down or saved from previous pregnancies (2 bins).  All of my normal clothes and shoes are in storage (4 bins) Imagine at least two boxes per age, one summer one winter.  I don't have all the boy clothes because we passed them down to our cousins up until age three, but I have all of the girl bins through age 2T (10 big bins) and size 6-8 girls (5 bins) and size 5-9 boys (6 bins, I think).  My 26+ bins are a masterpiece only I enjoy.  I have bin pride.

Wearing a creepy hydrating face mask.  About 32 weeks pregnant.

And so we press on.  Baby's kicking and very strong.  S/he kicks in different places than my other kids.  S/he's often kicking low which means upside down for now.  But sometimes the kicks are in my ribs.  We have bought exactly nothing in preparation for this baby.  Should probably buy a crib at some point.  As far as food this baby really likes bagels from Einsteins.  The good kind.  This baby doesn't like sweets too much (except anything with those bright red cherries that go on top of ice cream sundaes).  That's an unsual craving.  Baby is unconcerned about Coke which is very weird for me.  Baby LOVES Mexican food, specifically Costa Vida sweet pork enchiladas with green sauce.  I need a membership there. Also, what I wouldn't give for beef carpaccio.