Wipes

I missed Tuesday blogging, did you think VonCrazy had taken me?

As per my attorney father and husband's respective advice, I reported the student to the Dean. The Dean spoke with him before he was allowed to come back to class. I don't think VonCrazy will be giving me any more gifts.

I would like to bear my testimony of Wipey Dipes, or Diaper Wipes, as most people call them. I pretend they sanitize, but I have no idea. Today I bought 720 wipes for $12 from Target (yes, we're back together).

Here are my planned uses:

1) Baby Bottoms

2) Bathroom Sink

3) Bathroom Mirror with tooth brushing residue

4) Toothbrush Handles

5) Dusting

6) High chair

7) Getting stains out of shirt. Ellie told me this, it works.

8) Removing Makeup

9) Car Dashboard

10) Leather Couch

11) Doorknobs

12) Computer

13) Top of Dryer

14) Toothpaste top

15) Remote Control

16) Cleaning Iphone

17) Ho Bath.

18) Baby Toys

19) Emergency Toilet Paper

20) Jewelry Polish

Got any other ideas?

Mommy MySpace

Blogger, MySpace, Friendster, Facebook. Which to choose? The answer depends on your age bracket and goals for your online communication.

All of these sites are aimed at social networking or online community. Here's the breakdown of the respective sites:

MySpace: intended for the artistic types to "network." Usually networking to this group (generally 18-30 Singles) means posting a bunch of pictures of yourself, your music, your art, your movies. Kinda feels a little braggy, but the artists on-line actually do use this site to hook up professional services. See Niya's tasteful page.

Friendster: Attempts to keep groups in contact. You can join groups from your graduating high school class, your work, your neighborhood. Kinda boring, you can get found by people you may not want to find you.

Facebook: Younger target audience, generation Y (also known as the Me Generation). If you see young people posing for pictures by themselves (something NO Gen Xer would do unless for a specific purpose, as it would be weird and vain) they are posing for Facebook pictures. If you are over 25, you are embarrassing yourself. Profiles often have 100's of pictures of the person looking cute and obnoxious. See Phil's.

Blogger: Also known as Mommy MySpace. No official grouping mechanism, you arrange your own groups by linking people you like. Somewhat of a personality contest with the commenting feature and how many people link you. Appropriate to use self-effacing humor, the OCCASIONAL serious post, and lots of pictures of children. Go easy on the profiles. Sadly, most posts are somewhat watered down, as writers are aware of the public nature of posts. The best blogs are those where the writer has no censors (i.e. Rynna's).

Choose your online community at your own risk. You may be contacted by people you'd rather forget and you have no idea who reads your blog/profile/space. And Devin, no. I don't want to be your friend on Facebook. You are too old for facebook.

Bad Influence Aunt

Mimi, Age 1 month, Hawaii. First bikini. Both chubby.

I began wearing bikinis in high school when I realized that A. they were much cuter. B. they do not give you wedgies. C. it's easier to find your size in bikinis. I reason, if this is my only rebellion then I'm doing pretty well. I think babies look adorable in two pieces and do not find them to be sexualizing children any more so than do mini skirts or high heels. My baby only wears bikinis. I used to look alright in bikinis. Then I got pregnant. Now I don't look so good, but I inflict my bikini body on others nonetheless. Here's me now:

Just kidding, that's pregnant Britney. Gotcha! You think I'd post a bikini shot of myself? No way! Well, probably no way. I'm working on developing some shame.

Most LDS parents do not allow bikinis because they are immodest. When I wear a bikini around Paige's girls, they are very interested and jealous. Paige explained to the girls that bikinis are immodest (funny, considering the girl's tendency to tear off their clothes in public) and I told them that if you dress immodestly, you have to talk to the bishop.

This did not damper their curiosity about bikinis. Fifi even went so far as to borrow an old beat-up bikini from her friend, but Charlotte found them far too immodest.

When they visited my house a few weeks ago, the girls had to fashion swim wear out of mine and Mimi's bikinis.

I finally bought the girls their very own bikinis. Fifi and CeCe were ecstatic.

They are allowed to wear them at home.

Here is Mimi in her pink hat. She's 7 months.

Mimi and Isabella, her new best friend. Cool stroller, eh? Izzy is 6 months and I tell everybody they're twins.

Learning to crawl.
Miranda at her first Shakespeare performance. We saw A Midsummer Night's Dream in SF in the Presidio. It was cold. We are Shakespeare snobs. We left. But it counts!
Mimi at my favorite restaurant: the San Francisco Creamery in Walnut Creek. She has develop a love for cones and it buys me just enough time to wolf down the biggest dish of ice cream you ever did see. We bring her new high chair, as it is portable. That thing is worth it's weight in gold.

So Crafty!

Bugged wife, pair of scissors, viola! Jerk Shorts!P.S. He totally deserved it.

Target Follow Up

Today Dx and I were attempting to whip through Target to pick up a few items. We ended up wandering around like children lost at an amusement park.
Searching for the electronics department, Dx and I began cursing Target. We were really bitching and moaning.
"It's like somebody came into your house and rearranged all your drawers so you can't find anything." Dx complained.
"I know. I can't find anything. We totally need a map. This place is a disaster."
Right as these words were falling out of my mouth, we noticed two older white guys decked in red and khaki. Clearly Target Bigwigs. Our whining stopped them in their tracks.
One of the guys asks, "Can we help you find something?"
"Yes, where are the electronics? We need a map!"
The guy genteelly says, "Well, there'd be a map, but the layout changes EVERY DAY and it would immediately become obsolete."
So I go ahead and ask, "What are you doing, anyway? And why didn't you email me?"
"We're putting in thirty refrigerated cases so that you can do your grocery shopping at Target."
"Oh. Well, when are you going to be done?"
"In a few weeks. Sorry about the inconvenience. The electronics are now way at the back of the store."
"You mean like at Walmart? Put in the back so they're harder to steal? Okay, well, thanks."

I finally got to officially complain to The Man. I feel as though I've voiced the opinions and complaints of the people. I am an American, and you will not rearrange my Target.

Friend Ratings

LDS friends can be hard to gauge. Even if you're the same religion, you might have had different experiences and relate to people in a less than perfect (read Celestial) way. My husband and I have developed a sliding scale for figuring out how to speak to our friends. Here's how the ratings work:

G - No cursing, pretend you've never sinned ever.

PG- Minor curse words (crap, damn). Joke about minor sins, but never in detail.

PG-13 - Swear for emphasis, but only the ones allowed on after 9 pm TV. Invite friend to Starbucks, but get hot chocolate.

R - Curse like sailor. All topics legal and welcome. The more inappropriate the jokes, the better. Admit to watching R rated movies, dish on your glory days of sin.

I have good friends of all ratings. It's very difficult to determine the friendship's rating, and even more difficult when friend ratings change as people grow up. I aspire to be G rated all the time, but alas, I have very little self control as evidenced by this totally inappropriate quiz. I have removed the link so you cannot figure out how the ratings work, but just so you know:

You Are 32% Pure

You've either done it, thought about it, or at least heard about it. Luckily, there's a few things left for you to try!

This post inspired by Celiafae.

Feeding Time at the Zoo

Mimi tries to steal Waffle's food. Waffle tries to sneak Mimi's Cheerios. Here, problem solved. Woof. Mimi (dressed as a chicken) and Auntie Paige. Dx believes in costumes all year round, and I agree. Kids dressed as animals are cute. Why save them for Halloween?

This is her cow outfit. Not even a costume, just a 'fit.Who let the cow out of the pen?We went with the Fischer Price high chair / booster seat. It's portable and has already proven its worth at a restaurant. We're happy with our purchase, thanks for the advice.

How dare they?

They didn't call, they didn't email, they didn't even put a sign on the door. They changed my Target without even letting me know.

The Target in Walnut Creek has been completely rearranged. Be thankful that I am warning you, because I was alarmed when I walked through the doors. The store that I used to be able to waltz through in under an hour with my eyes closed is now a disorderly confusing mess because nearly everything has been moved.

Why? Why did they change Target? Have they no sense of propriety and consumer relations? We all know Target has been going downhill with their return policy (what? I have to spend the same amount of my returned impulse buy in under 15 minutes or its void?) but to move the aisles on me? That's unconscionable.

It's severe, people. I'm not just saying they moved the merchandise. There are aisles were there were none, some even turned sideways. My weekly (alright, tri-weekly) visit to the bulls eye mecca lasted three times as long and I left with less stuff that I didn't need, so how is this a better business plan? Is it a permanent rearrangement? I do not have room in my brain to commit the new layout to memory, what with all the mall directories stashed away in there.

Furthermore, there is no rhyme nor reason to the new layout. The dangerous cleaning supplies are right next to the baby stuff. The pet supply is moved to prime real estate near the front of the store. I couldn't even find the shoe department!

The new Target offends me and I will be boycotting the Walnut Creek store until they have a better plan.

Baby Bliss

This is my family's idea of heaven. Babies hold the highest currency and these four cousins (with Aunties Val and Paige) are in order of age. Ideally, a baby would be born every year in our family, but currently no one is pregnant and our little tinies just keep getting bigger.

Don't you wish you could vote someone into having a baby? I'm not ready yet, but maybe I could nominate someone to have the next baby.

I have the baby fever.

Hit Me Baby, One More Time

I just can't resist posting about Britney. I have such conflicted feelings. On one hand, I was a fan. I saw her in her heyday in Las Vegas, it was a great show and she can be a really great performer (despite her singing which aint so great.) She is a mother, so I feel as though she should be cut some slack as far as her weight and body.

However, I cannot accept Ms. Spears' hair. I am a hair connoisseur. She has endless resources of hair people and wigs. She could pull a Kylie Minogue and just have short hair. Why can't Britney be slightly flabby and have short hair? She does herself a great disservice by subscribing to the beauty myth -- it just looks like she's trying too hard and failing to pull it off. Can't she just be satisfied with how she looks? Why must she be so obvious about her inner trainwreck?

There's just no excuse for hideously showing extension locks. All other things I can find a way in my heart to forgive, but that hair? It's inexcusable.

Get it together, in just ONE area, if you can possibly manage it.

Even Elvis died with a completed (if equally crazy) look.

I will love you again, Britney, if you just fix your hair.

I can love crazy.

We've become those parents. The ones who are just completely in love with their baby.